[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Past Our Inflictions.dots

    Author: was_i_ever_real
    ASL Info:    23 _ f _ tx
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 194/91/52
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 460
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 974

       Inspired by C. S. Lewis' "Til We Have Faces"

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPast Our Inflictions.dots

    I once heard the gods speak
    and they had no sympathy for our case,
    apparently, our foolish ways
    brought us more pain
    than our fates could ever dream of
    and love? they would never interfere...

    even if they did, I doubt you'd be here

    so no cupid's arrow for us
    we fell on our own
    master's of our own fates, we always say
    but there's only one captain on a ship
    and we're sailing alone
    I never liked the open sea
    as i'm sure you recall
    so I'm turning around, heading for home
    and you can stay behind that goddess wall.

    You know,
    cupid fell in love once
    with a regular kind of girl....
    she was only human,
    made mistakes like the rest of us
    but that was enough

    for him,
    that was enough.

    Submitted on 2009-10-27 01:55:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      the first two lines are very strong.. the gods dont have sympathy for case.. hm. Thats a strange and very hard thing to write i think.
    I also like the second stanza..
    "so no cupid's arrow for us
    we fell on our own"
    it feels very unique of its kind, although i must say.. even though i really like the last stanza.. i dont seem to put it in with the rest.. I mean, what message was that sending ? cupid fell in love with a girl who makes mistakes..... and thats enough. Dunno.. it just kept me thinking.
    | Posted on 2010-01-20 00:00:00 | by Little Gal | [ Reply to This ]
      'You know,
    cupid fell in love once
    with a regular kind of girl....
    she was only human,
    made mistakes like the rest of us
    but that was enough

    for him,
    that was enough.'

    Wow . . . . . Okay, other than the grammar mistakes (Which I also have tons of.) this was very original! At Least to me >_> I really enjoyed reading it! That last versus got me, like was said from your last commenter. It was powerful, it always is powerful when you read the stories about the gods falling head over heels for some plain Jane human girl. But rarely do you hear that, their always different, so in your 'story' I put a girl with blond hair, green eyes, olive tone skin, a long ovalish face, and a box-ish body. And you know what, that's the most beautiful woman in the world, in my opinion. ( Straight girls opinion, wonder what a guy would say ) It doesn't take outer beauty, or dressing, or even brains to make a woman or a man beautiful, only a heart that's eternally forgiving and always kind ^_^
    | Posted on 2009-11-02 00:00:00 | by Scaredheart | [ Reply to This ]
      The last verse got me, more than the ones before it for some reason.

    The rhyme was kind of irregular in places, but then, so was the piece or at least it seemed that way to me.

    Im not exactly sure what to say or how this peice made me feel except that it left me questioning...

    | Posted on 2009-10-27 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]
      how much fun. I really like the piece. I wasn't sure what the rhyme was, kind of ever, but your rhetoric was amazing.

    Wishing for more
    | Posted on 2009-10-27 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Shi written by ShyOne
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Fasade written by jackz
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Love written by saartha
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Cover written by saartha
    Carry written by saartha
    Every..... written by jackz
    AI written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]