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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Last Night I Saw An Angeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LaxGoalie
    Elite Ratio:    2.51 - 6/4/8
    Words: 180
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 403
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1100



    Description:
       A song I wrote for my ex-girlfriend when we were still together...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLast Night I Saw An Angeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Ever since I met you
    Right there when I need you
    When I asked you to stay
    Just for another day

    Last night I saw an angel
    Well maybe it was really you
    She was standing right beside me
    As traffic was passing through
    It could have been a dream
    But it all seemed so real

    When I close my eyes
    Youíre everywhere around me
    I hate the fact youíre not here
    No-one to wake up with
    To crawl up and feel safe

    Ever since I met you
    Right there when I need you
    When I asked you to stay
    Just for another day

    Holding hands while walking home
    With that smile upon your face
    Is something that makes me happy
    Happy that youíre on my mind

    Last night I saw an angel
    And Iím sure that it was you
    You stood there right beside me
    With that smile upon your face

    You always cheer me up
    When I am feeling down
    Iím counting down the days
    We will soon be reunited




    Submitted on 2009-10-27 15:26:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Amazing poem! :D I love how engraved into your mind you make this person sound! It's mesmerising! ...but there are a few problems regarding grammar and rhyme. I know rhyme isn't madated for a poem since the invention of free verse but it kinda seems like a let down when you read the first stanza and think "okay, it's a rhymer" only to find that there are sparse rhymes through the meter. Grammar wise, it doesn't quite follow English standards sentence or poem wise with puctuation, making it a run on poem, a bit comfusing on where to start and stop and somewhat less emotional. While you did a REALLY great job with it, I think you could, potentially, make it more mysterious and loving if you were to explain a little more and make some more "emotionally moving" sentences. I hope you found this to be constructive :).
    | Posted on 2009-10-27 00:00:00 | by Plegias | [ Reply to This ]


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