Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The First Timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LaxGoalie
    Elite Ratio:    2.51 - 6/4/8
    Words: 224
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 409
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1364



    Description:
       Don't really remember...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe First Timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    From the first time that we met
    I knew I would not forget you
    From the way that you did not look
    And the way that you did talk

    Taken from a fantasy
    Coming from a perfect dream
    Like an angel in the dark
    A beacon for those who are lost

    Iíve gone days without tears
    Iíve done weeks without fear
    Knowing youíll be there for me
    Whenever that time may be

    As a million roses that wonít welt
    Perfect in the way defined
    Not a problem in my mind
    When you just sit by my side

    There are secrets that we share
    And I hope our trust wonít ever tear
    Secret admirations are the words I hear
    When I see you in my mind

    Iíve gone days without tears
    Iíve done weeks without fear
    Knowing youíll be there for me
    Whenever that time may be

    You know weíll get through this
    Taking it one step at a time
    I just donít know what to do
    When I want to be with you

    My heart has been caught
    And will not leave me alone
    Itís all your fault
    Iíve been lost without you

    Iíve gone days without tears
    Iíve done weeks without fear
    Knowing youíll be there for me
    Whenever that time may be




    Submitted on 2009-10-27 15:26:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very beautiful! But sadly, it's a bit worse than your other poem though not by much... It's lacking grammar still and you have sparse rhyme which is even worse and less lyrical, in my opinion than no rhyme, because you have no rhyme scheme and rhymes just... appear.
    | Posted on 2009-10-28 00:00:00 | by Plegias | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    179792

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dream written by closetpoet
    untitled written by Outlaw
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry