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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: maybe im lying to myself.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Theophilus
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 116/174/95
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 653
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1173



    Description:
       this is odd. i cant explain it.
    i have no idea how i feel.

    J.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmaybe im lying to myself.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lets whisper secrets to the wind
    And hope she carries them
    And brushes them against his face
    So he can feel her breath on his cheek
    And listen to her whispering secrets.

    But those secrets are really lies
    Because no one tells the truth
    Even when they mean it
    And I mean it, I mean it.
    I'm lying.

    A broken red leaf is
    Falling from a tree
    Spinning hazardously
    And I'm tumbling through the air
    Head over heals
    And I'm barreling
    Straight towards you
    As you stand and walk away.

    You dont notice when you
    Step on me as you walk by.

    But when you look down at me
    I become an infant, so very small
    And I gurgle noises and smile.
    Thats all I can do around you.
    Ask me questions and ill just nod,
    But that question, that one question
    I just stare blankly, I'm a baby.

    I'm a coward.
    I wish you loved me.

    I'm lying.




    Submitted on 2009-11-01 18:42:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      
    Quite a beautiful work.















    | Posted on 2010-11-26 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with all of the comments (below). It's hard to find fault with a successful poem like this. What I like about it, in the critical way, is how clearly you show the metaphors, vividly visual, and how clearly you link them with your theme so as to be easily understandable. I'm thinking of another poet who drives me nuts by being "obscure". He would have made a beautiful piece out of the motifs you have here; but nobody would have idea one what he was talking about! Well you aren't like that, which reckon is a big advantage.
    | Posted on 2010-03-24 00:00:00 | by lakesblue | [ Reply to This ]
      Strangely scary, like a rushing nonsensical nightmare. I was just reading this book about poetry, about relaxing your unconscious mind and letting it do the talking because what seems illogical will always have some sense behind it. Like these random images, your mind put them together for a reason. It might not make obvious sense, but it's a tight emotional ball, you know? All of it screams this kind of lost, chaotic, confused feeling. Emotionally it makes perfect sense.

    Red leaves falling (I love autumn), broken leaves, and then turning into babies. Crazy stuff, but it is very evocative. It makes my stomach feel funny. I wish the leaf weren't broken. It hasn't even hit the ground and been broken by something, it was broken on the tree. That makes me think that it was broken by life.

    The refrain 'im lying'- you're negating everything you say, it's very effective at maintaining this 'I don't know where I am' feeling. You don't give us any solid ground to stand on.

    I hope you don't stay feeling like this for long.

    Aly
    | Posted on 2009-11-03 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this was all over the place, like a whirlwind knocking you around to absorb all the madness and turmoil of emotive expressions. It is sad sometimes how we can love another and they are so blind to it or when we expose ourselves to them and the way we really feel then we get crushed sometimes. A good write, I enjoyed it...
    | Posted on 2009-11-01 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      Perfect up-down giddy-sick feeling of do/don't that liking someone secretly gives you in their presence. Bouncing souls, pardon the re-use of the band's name. Boinging all around each other... or just around the one steady focus. Very well done, especially smiled at:

    Head over heals

    Cool play.
    | Posted on 2009-11-01 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]


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