Description: this is odd. i cant explain it.
i have no idea how i feel.
maybe im lying to myself. -------------------------------------------
Lets whisper secrets to the wind
And hope she carries them
And brushes them against his face
So he can feel her breath on his cheek
And listen to her whispering secrets.
But those secrets are really lies
Because no one tells the truth
Even when they mean it
And I mean it, I mean it.
A broken red leaf is
Falling from a tree
And I'm tumbling through the air
Head over heals
And I'm barreling
Straight towards you
As you stand and walk away.
You donít notice when you
Step on me as you walk by.
But when you look down at me
I become an infant, so very small
And I gurgle noises and smile.
Thatís all I can do around you.
Ask me questions and ill just nod,
But that question, that one question
I just stare blankly, I'm a baby.
I agree with all of the comments (below). It's hard to find fault with a successful poem like this. What I like about it, in the critical way, is how clearly you show the metaphors, vividly visual, and how clearly you link them with your theme so as to be easily understandable. I'm thinking of another poet who drives me nuts by being "obscure". He would have made a beautiful piece out of the motifs you have here; but nobody would have idea one what he was talking about! Well you aren't like that, which reckon is a big advantage.
Strangely scary, like a rushing nonsensical nightmare. I was just reading this book about poetry, about relaxing your unconscious mind and letting it do the talking because what seems illogical will always have some sense behind it. Like these random images, your mind put them together for a reason. It might not make obvious sense, but it's a tight emotional ball, you know? All of it screams this kind of lost, chaotic, confused feeling. Emotionally it makes perfect sense.
Red leaves falling (I love autumn), broken leaves, and then turning into babies. Crazy stuff, but it is very evocative. It makes my stomach feel funny. I wish the leaf weren't broken. It hasn't even hit the ground and been broken by something, it was broken on the tree. That makes me think that it was broken by life.
The refrain 'im lying'- you're negating everything you say, it's very effective at maintaining this 'I don't know where I am' feeling. You don't give us any solid ground to stand on.
Wow this was all over the place, like a whirlwind knocking you around to absorb all the madness and turmoil of emotive expressions. It is sad sometimes how we can love another and they are so blind to it or when we expose ourselves to them and the way we really feel then we get crushed sometimes. A good write, I enjoyed it...
Perfect up-down giddy-sick feeling of do/don't that liking someone secretly gives you in their presence. Bouncing souls, pardon the re-use of the band's name. Boinging all around each other... or just around the one steady focus. Very well done, especially smiled at: