Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Goodbye then hellodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: InsanityVanity
    ASL Info:    16/male/noneyah
    Elite Ratio:    2.64 - 7/9/18
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 23
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 983



    Description:
       I really miss you granddad.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGoodbye then hellodots
    -------------------------------------------


    knowing your gone
    gives this dark cloud power
    it swells with rain
    then begins to shower
    though one day this rain
    shall sprout a flower
    you leave our lives
    now bleak and dour
    this cloud gives fear
    and most of us cower
    it pours down heavy
    the weight can't be compared
    a stumble in our walk
    our sight impared
    some of us try
    to reach you in payer
    some look lost
    into the distance they stare
    the pain in our chest
    as our hearts tare
    but it will heal
    for we remember your care
    in our memory you live
    you will never leave
    we all know this
    but still we greave
    because to us
    it's not the same
    like looking through
    a picture frame
    but we'll be okay
    though your gone
    we will always see your face
    in the morning dawn
    and so
    you live on




    Submitted on 2009-11-02 14:24:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very touching, an extraordinary tribute. "As our hearts tare" should be changed to "As our hearts tear" That's the only suggestion I have to give.
    | Posted on 2009-11-03 00:00:00 | by LovelyGoddess | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    179963



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry