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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beautiful Eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: twistedchick
    ASL Info:    18/girlie/nevada
    Elite Ratio:    1.62 - 14/56/67
    Words: 209
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 16
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1131



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeautiful Eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    On the brink of twilight
    I was feeling perfectly alright
    Doing my thing without a care
    Until she came out out of nowhere
    I was bedazzled
    Mystified and baffled
    I didnt have a clue, but one thing is for sure
    As mysterious as she was, somehow I loved her
    Each time she came closer
    Her face was still a shadow
    Yet it went even more into a soft fade
    How can this be
    My eyes are playing tricks on me
    She came ever so closer
    Walking like no other
    Catching me offguard with her emotional embrace
    And me so stiff
    How could i face her
    In this dark yet lit place
    She laid her head on my weak shoulder
    Her small voice whispered in my ear
    But I could barely hear her
    Somehow the muted sound took her voice away
    And hid it somewhere around
    But it did not matter though
    'Cause she grabbed my face
    And I looked deep into her eyes
    Saw no trace of lies
    The only thing I could see
    Were her beautiful eyes




    Submitted on 2009-11-02 15:53:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ah. This is excellent. I felt completely entranced from beginning to end. Captivating and riveting. A few words tripped me up with the rhythm, but no cause for concern. If revised even a little, this poem could become a classic.
    | Posted on 2009-11-03 00:00:00 | by LovelyGoddess | [ Reply to This ]
      Everytime I read something written by you, I feel like I'm on the emotional roller coaster. Which is good. I enjoy your work. very much.
    -rachel:)
    | Posted on 2009-11-03 00:00:00 | by PopRocksRae | [ Reply to This ]


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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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