Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rain... In The Gallowsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 75/182/213
    Words: 203
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 818
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1346



    Description:
       The worst day of my life...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRain... In The Gallowsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rain.
    Rain.
    Rain.

    This well has run dry.
    My eyes are so parched, cracking through the blue and white.
    Black pupils dilate in the absence of tears.

    Rain
    Rain
    Oh let it please rain today.

    Autumn is in the air.
    She swiped her paint brush across my face.
    No colors... No love... No hope... Nothing...

    Rain
    Rain
    Rain

    I wish just to feel the cold dripping down my face.
    Whispers are enough of a motivation.
    I have met a dead end to my salvation.

    Rain
    Rain
    Oh please let it rain just for me.

    A kid I will be never again.
    No worries, poverty was just an adults game.
    The table has been set, I feast upon depression and debt.

    Rain
    Rain
    Rain

    One cannot simply close the flood gates.
    Pipe dreams, smiles and tragedy.
    One day I might have the strength to crawl out from a cazem of a grave.

    Rain
    Rain
    Rain turn to snow and seal my fate.

    Could you suspend this freezing pain for just one more day?
    Hang me in the gallows.
    Let the rain wash the sadness off my face.

    Rain
    Rain
    Rain forever...




    Submitted on 2009-11-02 18:48:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well I can see that you are depressed in this piece. Though you are sad in writing this I think that as a reader I dont cually see your emotion, for the writing lacks the discription needed. LIke how bad is the rain is it a down pour or a drizzle, why is there no color love or hope, these are some things that could ake this work great if you go into more detail with these subjects. I seen in your decription that its the worst day in your life but it somewhat lacks the the sorta umf needed to show your sadness, show me yours sad in your writing just dont say it make me (the reader) see it.

    Hope this helps,

    justin
    | Posted on 2009-11-02 00:00:00 | by Sepheroth432 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    179977

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    untitled written by ShyOne
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Yes written by poetotoe
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    prison written by ShyOne
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Fasade written by jackz
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry