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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rain... In The Gallowsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 75/182/213
    Words: 203
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 834
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1346



    Description:
       The worst day of my life...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRain... In The Gallowsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rain.
    Rain.
    Rain.

    This well has run dry.
    My eyes are so parched, cracking through the blue and white.
    Black pupils dilate in the absence of tears.

    Rain
    Rain
    Oh let it please rain today.

    Autumn is in the air.
    She swiped her paint brush across my face.
    No colors... No love... No hope... Nothing...

    Rain
    Rain
    Rain

    I wish just to feel the cold dripping down my face.
    Whispers are enough of a motivation.
    I have met a dead end to my salvation.

    Rain
    Rain
    Oh please let it rain just for me.

    A kid I will be never again.
    No worries, poverty was just an adults game.
    The table has been set, I feast upon depression and debt.

    Rain
    Rain
    Rain

    One cannot simply close the flood gates.
    Pipe dreams, smiles and tragedy.
    One day I might have the strength to crawl out from a cazem of a grave.

    Rain
    Rain
    Rain turn to snow and seal my fate.

    Could you suspend this freezing pain for just one more day?
    Hang me in the gallows.
    Let the rain wash the sadness off my face.

    Rain
    Rain
    Rain forever...




    Submitted on 2009-11-02 18:48:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well I can see that you are depressed in this piece. Though you are sad in writing this I think that as a reader I dont cually see your emotion, for the writing lacks the discription needed. LIke how bad is the rain is it a down pour or a drizzle, why is there no color love or hope, these are some things that could ake this work great if you go into more detail with these subjects. I seen in your decription that its the worst day in your life but it somewhat lacks the the sorta umf needed to show your sadness, show me yours sad in your writing just dont say it make me (the reader) see it.

    Hope this helps,

    justin
    | Posted on 2009-11-02 00:00:00 | by Sepheroth432 | [ Reply to This ]


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