Notably Complex by Roula

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Submission Name: Notably Complex dots

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Author:	Roula
ASL Info:	18/female
Elite Ratio:	2.72 - 46/64/45
Words:	86

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	523
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	609

Description:
Long distance relationships :(

Notably Complex dots

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Could you watch me as I fall asleep?
Under the sleeping sun.
Its like I can never
wake
from a bad dream.
Its an everyday combat.

Where I cannot see so clear
I hear
lonely voices,
your shadow,
your reflection in the mirror.
Out of my grasp,
but just around the corner.

You're the one that I want.
I would promise you
forever
if i thought you believed in it.

Please lean on me.
I'll be your strength,
I'll be forever thankful,
baby.

Submitted on 2009-11-04 00:01:15 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
Roula...
i like the straightforwardness of this..

careful of "it's" the contraction it is takes an apostrophe...

almost a thought as to "could you let me just dream?"

or would you try to save me, or change me..or jump into the dream with me?

there is a sense of the speaker saying..

"i need you" but not being able to do that and twisting it around to "Lean on me"

next to the last stanza reminds me of Sheryl Crow's "strong enough"
"lie to me, i'll believe it"

like i need someone so bad it doesn't matter if you are true or not..just pretend so i have someone to be with...to hang onto..

lots of vision here...like hemmingway..seems simpler on the surface than it really is...

| Posted on 2011-02-19 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.