[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Notably Complexdots

    Author: Roula
    ASL Info:    18/female
    Elite Ratio:    2.72 - 46/64/45
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 608
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 609

       Long distance relationships :(

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNotably Complexdots

    Could you watch me as I fall asleep?
    Under the sleeping sun.
    Its like I can never
    from a bad dream.
    Its an everyday combat.

    Where I cannot see so clear
    I hear
    lonely voices,
    your shadow,
    your reflection in the mirror.
    Out of my grasp,
    but just around the corner.

    You're the one that I want.
    I would promise you
    if i thought you believed in it.

    Please lean on me.
    I'll be your strength,
    I'll be forever thankful,

    Submitted on 2009-11-04 00:01:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    i like the straightforwardness of this..

    careful of "it's" the contraction it is takes an apostrophe...

    almost a thought as to "could you let me just dream?"

    or would you try to save me, or change me..or jump into the dream with me?

    there is a sense of the speaker saying..

    "i need you" but not being able to do that and twisting it around to "Lean on me"

    next to the last stanza reminds me of Sheryl Crow's "strong enough"
    "lie to me, i'll believe it"

    like i need someone so bad it doesn't matter if you are true or not..just pretend so i have someone to be with...to hang onto..

    lots of vision here...like hemmingway..seems simpler on the surface than it really is...

    | Posted on 2011-02-19 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]