Here I am again, bare to the world. Opening the walls of my mind, having such trouble it is no wonder many have given up on me.
Have you ever wondered why you feel the way you do? A burning emptiness in your stomach, slowly pawing and reaching up to your very life force, your heart. No matter who loves you, who wants you, who tells you it will be okay. You feel like you are falling even though you already hit rock bottom.
Have you ever thought that everything was fake? That love was fake, that feeling was fake. That everything you ever experienced and thought you knew, never happened in the first place?
Who knew the thought of not existing would be such a comforting thought. To hide in plain sight, to become a someone not a name or a presence that is recognizable. But a gray blob of casual expression walking through a life of mediocre proportions.
Just the idea of falling into it makes me smile, to be wrapped in knowing that life could be so bland and boring.
Have you ever felt your heart throb in pain, not sure of what caused it, or what made those tears of yours sting so warmly against you cheek. Have you ever cried because you couldn't cry for something that should have caused such emotion?
The want and need to be so...normal has caused a spiraling depression I am not in control of. I do not have the wheel of the ride. I do not have control of the brake.
Who can save me?