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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Greed's Paymentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JoelIsHere
    ASL Info:    21/ Male/ Indiana
    Elite Ratio:    3.2 - 8/27/28
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 651
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 502



    Description:
       This was written as a Farewell Warning to those I know and care for on this site. It is High time I took my leave, as none can fix the damaged that has been wrought. I will still be around, and of you have need of the Nightmarish Dream, simply ask for me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGreed's Paymentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Diamonds and Rubies,
    Sapphires and Gold,
    Their illustrious lusters,
    Mesmerize young and old.

    "Take us." They say, their ruse looming in,
    "We can provide you with what you need!"
    But little know the cost,
    Of a Payment of Greed.

    Our Children suffer,
    Our Parents ache,
    In the lightless abyss,
    That comes in our wake.

    This is Greed's Payment-
    Take it if you dare.




    Submitted on 2009-11-05 08:37:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think you ought not to go for a fully rhyming poem. Some of your other pieces tuck away rhymes and the like inside the lines, augmenting the sound of the verse without the reader consciously registering a rhyme-scheme.

    That is such a fine skill, why worry about doggerel quattrains?

    All the same, I know how well you enjoyed making it!

    About the Description box, above: You are a bit conceited. The Nightmarish Dream is nothing very special or original. But your poetic pieces are good, and people would love so much to read them all somewhere like here.
    | Posted on 2009-12-07 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Mmmm.


    Poetically speaking, it's got your usual style of not really saying the message. But, yet, saying something that looks like the message. I don't know if that makes sense. But, that's what I think on it.


    Rhyme-y, yeah. Clever? A bit. Perfect, no. Can I offer any helpful criticism? No. Why? I like it.


    Now, to my thoughts.


    Riches do have a way of mesmerizing. Promises of something bigger, better, more sparkly...it's all rather lovely. Of course, the biggest rich, the best, the most sparkling...I find to be the riches I find in the bond that lies between friends. I'd say I'd found many riches here. And, so have you, I think. To me, it'd be a woe to leave it all behind, and honestly, I doubt you can. In fact, you don't claim to. As me, you've promised to be around by PM and such. Hm...There's so much left to cultivate here, and no real reason to disappear. So why do it? Why try to cut yourself off from something that you like? Or once enjoyed. You've begun to take it too seriously. That's why. Remember, ES, though amazing and my internet home, is just ES. It's the people that make it home. It's the sense of family. And, you know what...that sense of family is still there. I don't care if other people say it's not. It is. Sure, there are the odd ducklings and the favorites. But...bottom line...ES is family.


    Oh...look at me ramble. *coughs awkwardly* Nice write...

    <3 Sweets
    | Posted on 2009-11-06 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]


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