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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A fish in someone else’s seadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wordsofmind
    ASL Info:    18/F/Quebec, Canada
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 178/180/57
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 34
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 717



    Description:
       


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    dotsA fish in someone else’s seadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your ocean is not mine
    Although you say you’ll share
    The food tastes different
    The water’s cold
    Your friends don’t speak my language
    So how can I relate?
    But then again, when I look back
    At my former little sea
    If I return, no one will greet me
    With open arms or smiling eyes
    For I have left the patriots
    To return as a national traitor
    Don’t expect the food to taste sweet
    The water to be warm
    And friends to share my language

    But maybe someday I will discover
    A little corner in the deep
    And find my quietude
    My harmony
    My mutuality
    My joy and peace on earth




    Submitted on 2009-11-06 00:33:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I read this a few times because I was convinced that this was not literal. I liked this piece. The very first time I read it some issues I've undergone this year were brought to mind ... stuff related to my own personal growth and development as a human being, my discovering NLP and my newly found tranquility were also called to mind. I reckon that your piece says something about going from one stage to another that's why those the aforesaid experiences were welled up, to put it that way.

    In a similar vein, there's also something about musing upon the idea of renewing broken heart related attachments, which would be a second possible way of interpreting your piece.

    All in all, I feel as if I were just giving ideas which maybe utterly wrong ... dunno but those were the sentiments that were yielded after having read this write.

    Liked it a lot,

    Keep posting,
    cheers,
    Ethan Brody
    | Posted on 2009-11-07 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      I do like this greatly. I didn't especially like the ending so much... I don't have any suggestions, though, it's something about the last 3 lines... it feels like there should be a slight change somewhere. I do love the word mutuality, though... I really like the sound of that.

    Big fish in little pond, little fish in big pond... or dead fish on plate. Those are the 3 options I use to hear... I think I'd take little fish, unless Big Fish came with a bank roll or something. Whichever you decide, I hope you find that peaceful part of the ocean you are talking about... a little green shade under the water.
    | Posted on 2009-11-07 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]



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