Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Living?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 26
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 978
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 183



    Description:
       This another of mine from my teens. It's been called too minimalistic. I've never been sure whether to add more or leave it this way.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLiving?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm still breathing this funeral air.
    I'm still living in this dead place.
    I can't stop dreaming of death.
    When can I start living?





    Submitted on 2004-07-21 09:58:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wouldn't it be crazy if you were saying that all these writes were from your teens but actually they are new, and you just wanted to see how differently people would comment? Damm that would be underhanded.
    | Posted on 2004-07-21 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      for your teens not bad. the images are good, but I'm lacking something you always have in your other poems. you don't convey so much feeling, you don't set an atmosphere. I would add to it, but the question is an interesting touch, leaves the reader thinking. just a bit more feelings before.
    | Posted on 2004-07-21 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it alot
    i can see what you mean and i like the irony of it all
    i think you should elaborate and make it longer
    | Posted on 2004-07-21 00:00:00 | by locke | [ Reply to This ]
      i think the word is "funereal" instead of "funeral." small point. anyway, i don't think it's too minimalist. you say all you need to--you're preoccupied with death and yet long to join the living. that's how i felt last weekend! i hope you aren't feeling this way... i know it's old, but i'm curious to know why you pulled this one out of your bag of tricks. hope all is well with you!
    | Posted on 2004-07-21 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      It is too minimalistic. The idea of minimalism is to relate fully with as little verbosity as possible. Now that I'm done insulting your fine intellect, let me say that this poem doesn't relate enough to me. I get that you feel dead, but I don't feel it. I can't place it in my own emotional context. No empathy is churned up. I think it might greatly benefit from a simile.
    | Posted on 2004-07-21 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm, is L3 supposed to be
    "I can stop dreaming" or "I can't stop dreaming"?
    If it stands as posted I guess I don't get it,
    if it's a typo, then I get it, and I like that it is open ended and can be applied literally by someone who has just gone through a personal loss, or metaphorically.
    Gonna go check your journal now, what's new?
    | Posted on 2004-07-21 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      though it leaves alot to think about ...it being so short...i think you should leave it...though the wording being so simple you can tell it was written when you were younger...i enjoyed it though...smiles ange
    | Posted on 2004-07-21 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    18015

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    ME written by jjd
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    This written by Chelebel
    Stretto written by saartha
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    By the bar written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry