Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Notice Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: juss_kriss
    ASL Info:    23/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 404/445/126
    Words: 259
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Longing
    Total Views: 877
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1587



    Description:
       about someone i was always able to look up to and thought would always be there for me. this person played a huuuuuuge role in my life but lately they've been pushing not only me, but practically everyone else away too.

    i wonder if you can figure out who it is?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNotice Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    v1.
    i'd never say i hate you
    but i'm starting to feel that way
    after the hard times we've been through
    how could you just turn yourself away
    you were always the one i looked up to
    the one i always could run to
    but as these days fade away
    i can feel myself fading too
    can you hear me calling for you ?

    ch.
    i'm standing right in front of you
    can't you see me
    how loud do you expect me to screan
    before you even notice me
    i needed you
    i thought you'd be here for me
    but i'm left standing alone
    how loud do you want me to scream
    do you even notice me
    notice me

    v2.
    i never thought i'd leave you
    but now i've got to get myself out
    i'd try to explain it to you
    you don't know what i'm talking about
    the hole in my hearts' just become too big
    these wounds are too deep to forgive
    and as i keep on bleeding
    the mask i'm wearing is slipping too
    can you see me begging for you ?

    br.
    is the image in your head all you can see
    is the reflection in the mirror the only one you have time for
    is the person you wish to become above me
    cause suddenly i'm the least of your worries
    my hero, no not anymore
    when you've become the only one
    that you're fighting for

    co.
    how loud do you expect me to scream




    Submitted on 2009-11-11 12:34:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A very powerful piece Kriss. I especially liked the lines:
    "is the image in your head all you can see
    is the reflection in the mirror the only one you have time for"
    It seems that is the way many people turn out and it is painful to watch the transition and loose someone close to their own self obsession. This definitely had a good feel for the context, a bit rough and quick paced which matched the circumstances and helped put the reader in the subjects mindset. Great work as always kriss, keep writing.
    Sarah
    | Posted on 2016-07-06 00:00:00 | by S.A.M. | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    180286

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry