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    dots Submission Name: Lucydots

    Author: ModestyB
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 64/38/31
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 908
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 819


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    I had a visit from Lucy today
    You do know Lucy, Ive heard you say!
    She always comes when Im sick in bed
    Her visits are something Im beginning to dread.
    With dizziness and bewildering sensations
    I always get a visit from Lucy Nations.

    She climbs inside my head, does she
    And twists my vision so that I see
    All manner of peculiar sights
    It doesnt help to turn off the lights.
    Beings come from this world and that
    A tailless dog and a headless cat.

    Creations of a disturbing kind
    Lucy always brings to mind
    Frightening visions of eternal cares
    Spiralling walls and upturned stairs.
    The sort of things that frighten me
    That I could forget if shed leave me be.

    Submitted on 2009-11-15 07:38:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think it was lacking in grace, a lot of your rhyming seemed to dictate what you wrote about. That said, as a whole it should bring a smile to any reader who appreciates a bit of fun. Even if some parts were too predictable there were other lines that had me nodding in agreement:

    Frightening visions of eternal cares
    Spiralling walls and upturned stairs

    It was never a chore to read and you have the wow factor when you stay subtle, so good stuff out of you.

    | Posted on 2009-11-15 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]

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