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Author: ModestyB
Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 64 /38 /31
Words: 141
Class/Type: Poetry /Comedy
Total Views: 1248
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 829



I had a visit from Lucy today
You do know Lucy, I’ve heard you say!
She always comes when I’m sick in bed
Her visits are something I’m beginning to dread.
With dizziness and bewildering sensations
I always get a visit from Lucy Nations.

She climbs inside my head, does she
And twists my vision so that I see
All manner of peculiar sights
It doesn’t help to turn off the lights.
Beings come from this world and that
A tailless dog and a headless cat.

Creations of a disturbing kind
Lucy always brings to mind
Frightening visions of eternal cares
Spiralling walls and upturned stairs.
The sort of things that frighten me
That I could forget if she’d leave me be.

Submitted on 2009-11-15 07:38:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I think it was lacking in grace, a lot of your rhyming seemed to dictate what you wrote about. That said, as a whole it should bring a smile to any reader who appreciates a bit of fun. Even if some parts were too predictable there were other lines that had me nodding in agreement:

Frightening visions of eternal cares
Spiralling walls and upturned stairs

It was never a chore to read and you have the wow factor when you stay subtle, so good stuff out of you.

| Posted on 2009-11-15 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]

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