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    dots Submission Name: This housedots

    Author: Katsi039tsahente
    Elite Ratio:    1.7 - 4/17/25
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 646
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 795

       I don't know it just came to mind when I woke up this mornin so uuummmm theres notthing really to say about it.......

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis housedots

    I see the walls.
    As I walk on by.
    I see the walls.
    That seen it all.

    And they look different,
    But the all the same.

    As I walk up to the door.
    I take a minute to look,
    At the walls that seen it all.
    And I know that I can't open this door.

    So I go back to the corner.
    The corner were it all stared.
    As I sat.
    I felt what the walls felt,
    I seenwhat the walls seen,
    And I heard what the walls heard.

    So I take this gun.
    And put it to my head.
    I felt the walls falling on me.
    So I pull the trigger.

    As I leave my body I see,
    The pain and suffering that was in side.
    Follow me into the deepths of hell.

    Submitted on 2009-11-15 12:39:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Your mixing up your tenses and getting lost in your own repitition.

    "At the walls that seen it all"

    walls that HAVE seen it all

    "As I sit I could feel what the walls felt"

    As I SAT I could feel

    Theres a lot of these kind of mistakes and overall I thought it was un-original in the extreme. Kind of hard to take seriously when you end in so many clichés.

    | Posted on 2009-11-15 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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