[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Rose - Excerpt 2dots

    Author: RisingSon
    Elite Ratio:    1.63 - 6/78/50
    Words: 266
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 380
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1448

       Another excerpt.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRose - Excerpt 2dots

    His sweater, once full of festive colors and Christmas spirit, now lay in tatters on the ground, hiding in the fallen Autumn foliage. There are worse fates for sweaters and men, and given his available options, Jack might have opted for the outcome of the sweater fossil.

    His bare arms shook in the November breeze. There was freshwater in the creek, but the thought of giardia was enough to make him hesitate. He was thirsty though. It had been at least 30 hours since he'd had anything to drink. Combined with the lack of food and blood leaking from his right arm and temple, Jack was feeling unstable and especially vulnerable to the cold. Even his goose bumps seemed subdued and morose.

    Scanning the landscape Jack realized he hadn't run as far as he thought. He could clearly make out the end of the tree line just over the ridge to the east, and he knew that just behind the rising sun was Aberdale, now little more than a movie set, a fašade giving the impression of life and society but entirely empty and forgotten. He dipped his hands into the creek and drank from the cup they formed. The water was cold, biting his timid teeth and cutting rivulets into the back of his throat.

    As he used the water to clean off the gash below his bicep, Jack felt his pants shake. He reached instinctively into his pocket and pulled out his iPhone, and saw her face on the screen.

    Submitted on 2009-11-16 14:56:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Sounds like my life lately, but I'm feeling much better now. Good food, lots of rest, sunshine if available, cat naps when available, will do wonders.

    If you don't like the picture on your cell phone, you can cange it from time to time. Kind of like the avator thing. Self Image stronger = you stronger.
    | Posted on 2009-12-27 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    prison written by ShyOne
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Shi written by ShyOne
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The World written by jjd
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Records I written by Raphael
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]