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    dots Submission Name: Sun/Sondots

    Author: jayisademon
    ASL Info:    22/M/SoILL
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 129/81/88
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 515
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1001


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    The sun-
    is the most oppressive of all-
    because he knows-
    without him-
    your worthless.

    The son-
    is the most oppressed of all-
    because he is unaware-
    that the sins of the father-
    echo in the mouth's of his acquaintances.

    The older burns the skin-
    leaves the face charred-
    just to let you know he was there-
    so they can remark-
    "Spent too much time in the sun?"

    Of course-
    His presence is not only felt-
    it's seen-
    visible, not only to the son-
    but the daughter.

    I hope I never radiate-
    never illuminate-
    I wish never to scorch the fair hair of the moon.

    Heaven make me a star-
    so I will not burn out,
    and lay claim to every living thing.

    Unlike the sun-
    when the son as a star burns out-
    No one will ever know-
    that he was missing.

    Submitted on 2009-11-18 16:55:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I love how you relate things to the moon, the star, and the sun. It is a spectacular poem, great read. I enjoyed it very much. I get parts of it, but it is 7 AM and I have barely slept, so I'll probably reread it and find the deeper meaning soon, I'm sure.

    | Posted on 2009-11-21 00:00:00 | by smexybabe0101 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is poignant and effective from the first line. It draws you right in. The poem has an interesting perspective, that's for certain... well done.

    Keep Writing,
    | Posted on 2009-11-19 00:00:00 | by GetFighted | [ Reply to This ]

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