Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rose – Excerpt 4dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: RisingSon
    Elite Ratio:    1.69 - 7/79/52
    Words: 515
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 410
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3063



    Description:
       Another excerpt.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRose – Excerpt 4dots
    -------------------------------------------


    From under the table Les could just make out his father's face, cheek down on the floor, lying in an odd mashup of turkey dressing, white wine and dark red blood. The visible eyebrow wasn't perched in the usual manner, pointing to the ground as if an exclamation point to his dad's seemingly eternal anger. It was raised up, flat-lined and exasperated. Not surprised. Just annoyed that anything would think of disturbing Thanksgiving dinner. Les tried focusing on his father, tried turning his eyes into binoculars with which he'd map the contours of an aged mountain now sinking into a landslide. Tried creating the cartography in his mind, the way the valleys and ridges in the cheeks, the twin lakes of the eyes, the foothills of the mouth all led into the towering peak of the nose, a spectacular center in an otherwise boring panorama of unremarkable surroundings.

    But that noise kept drawing him away. That sound he'd been unsuccessfully trying to evade in his refuge under the table. That grinding mix of aural torture, reaching out to him from across the room.

    "Please…"

    Look at your dad Les. Memorize him. Know that he did it for you. All the yelling. All the groundings. The weeks at karate and boot camps, the fierce discipline, the times you ran away and he found you. It was for you, to prepare you. For this.

    "please…"

    But he couldn't focus it out. It was too near, too present. It entered his ear like a whisper of a wave, slowly growing tidal as it raced around the inside of his head, swelling and cresting only to swell and crest again with each new drop. He wanted to leave. He wanted to shut his eyes and ears and be gone. He wanted a new pair of pants.

    "please…Lester…please…"

    He didn't know how the dogs got in the house. They were his stepmom's. They loved her and hated Les and his father. Two little power-mad Malteses that cried with righteous fury when Les put them outside, alone, dirtying their white coats in mud and shit in an act of defiant revenge. Normally they ate with the family, but not on Thanksgiving. Not if his father had any say. He didn't anymore.

    But now they were inside with their master, by her side as always, like little gargoyles who growled and nipped whenever Les got too close. They'd sit in her lap and chew on bones, clearing the gristle, their little lips sucking, tiny teeth grinding away. They'd snap at him, she'd yell at him, and he'd hide in his room.

    "Lester…please…"

    Couldn't make the sounds stop. Couldn't drive the noise out.

    "Please…"

    Couldn't focus, change pants, run away, or understand why dad's body was so far away from his face. Couldn't move.

    "please…get them off…"




    Submitted on 2009-11-19 13:37:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Personally, I hide under the covers until the noise stops. Actually, I'm going there now.
    | Posted on 2009-12-27 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      Those are some crazy dogs.
    Fix this line to make it less choppy:
    Tried creating the cartography in his mind, the way the valleys and ridges in the cheeks, the twin lakes of the eyes, the foothills of the mouth all led into the towering peak of the nose, a spectacular center in an otherwise boring panorama of unremarkable surroundings.
    | Posted on 2009-11-19 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    180508

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Canalizar written by MyPeriodical
    Two hundred and seven times written by MyPeriodical
    Quoth The Skies and its limits written by MyPeriodical
    I am still sorry. written by MyPeriodical
    In God's Name written by poetotoe
    That Kind of Love Never Brought Me Flowers written by Jazzy
    not alone written by Daniel Barlow
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Untitled written by _winky_
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    Remember written by MyPeriodical
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    Survive ed - right back at the beginning written by MyPeriodical
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Remedies written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry