Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Following the Stardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stonewashblues
    Elite Ratio:    4.74 - 18/7/6
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 473
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 620



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFollowing the Stardots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have a path of sliding stones, a direction
    that moves beneath my feet and spins me
    while I struggle North, holding a star in sight
    despite not knowing where I'm going.

    Oh please don't let it lead me to Bethlehem,
    to some barnful of miracles and bastard babies
    scattered on the floor to trip over and kick away.
    Spare me those 'wise' men bearing 'gifts' I have no use for;
    Just progress him three decades and nail him up today...
    I know I could use a little Easter in my heart,
    as well as an egg salad sandwich.




    Submitted on 2009-11-20 15:09:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      At first read, and being a Christian man, I was put off by this. After re-reading it and really analyzing it, I find it is not a knock agains Christ but a cry for resurection and I have felt that way many times. I loved the way you ended it with the egg salad sandwich part, it lightened the piece masterfully. This is a very good piece and I enjoyed it immensly.

    yours in Christ
    Ben
    | Posted on 2009-12-16 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    180530

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Dream written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry