Sadistically Suicidal by faideddarkness

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Submission Name: Sadistically Suicidal dots

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Author:	faideddarkness
ASL Info:	28 - Male - Idaho
Elite Ratio:	6.53 - 101/55/51
Words:	93

Class/Type:	Lyrics/
Total Views:	840
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	613

Description:
This is probaly the wierdest if not scarest peice of writing ive done, but yet kinda cool.

Sadistically Suicidal dots

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I�m being torn limb from limb
In a battle I�ll never win
Please take my breath away
Don�t let these memories stay
Tasting the blood from vengeance
Malicious anger descends
Please suffocate this beating heart
Rip in and tear my soul apart

Take away this wind in my chest
I welcome your fist as my guest
Realize my desires
Consume this life with your fire
Let your teeth penetrate my veins
And taste the pleasure of my pain
Let me be your victim, your prey
Already has my world gone grey

Submitted on 2009-11-20 18:55:30 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
I liked the imagery in this write, even though it kind of got choppy in the middle for me. Normally I'm not one for the doom and gloom, but I like something that is written where I can visualize what I think you are portraying. The middle part seemed almost forced or plugged in after the piece was written. The flowing visual images were stopped by the middle verse then picked up in the end. Possibly the addition of punctuations like a few commas or periods here and there could redirect the poem's flow into a little more cohesive pattern. Again, I enjoyed it regardless. Thanks for posting it and take care.

Nick

| Posted on 2010-02-05 00:00:00 | by Nicholas Lala | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.