Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sadistically Suicidaldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: faideddarkness
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Idaho
    Elite Ratio:    6.62 - 96/51/46
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Lyrics/
    Total Views: 642
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 613



    Description:
       This is probaly the wierdest if not scarest peice of writing ive done, but yet kinda cool.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSadistically Suicidaldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I�m being torn limb from limb
    In a battle I�ll never win
    Please take my breath away
    Don�t let these memories stay
    Tasting the blood from vengeance
    Malicious anger descends
    Please suffocate this beating heart
    Rip in and tear my soul apart

    Take away this wind in my chest
    I welcome your fist as my guest
    Realize my desires
    Consume this life with your fire
    Let your teeth penetrate my veins
    And taste the pleasure of my pain
    Let me be your victim, your prey
    Already has my world gone grey




    Submitted on 2009-11-20 18:55:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the imagery in this write, even though it kind of got choppy in the middle for me. Normally I'm not one for the doom and gloom, but I like something that is written where I can visualize what I think you are portraying. The middle part seemed almost forced or plugged in after the piece was written. The flowing visual images were stopped by the middle verse then picked up in the end. Possibly the addition of punctuations like a few commas or periods here and there could redirect the poem's flow into a little more cohesive pattern. Again, I enjoyed it regardless. Thanks for posting it and take care.

    Nick
    | Posted on 2010-02-05 00:00:00 | by Nicholas Lala | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    180536

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry