How did I know he’d be there? I really don’t know. I could just feel it.
The night was awe-inspiring, even to the hardest critique.
Crystalline lights danced above our heads like fluttering lightening bugs, groves of shrubberies adorned with vibrant flowers clustered in an uneven circle around us and right smack dab in the middle was a towering fountain that spilled over with the clearest water.
It was simply magical.
I felt pleasantly surprised, my heart jolting with enchantment. It made me feel much older then I was to be standing at the entrance of this sanctuary in my shivering gown that swirled around my body like lace wings.
My breath was caught in my throat and a small smile tugged at my trembling lips, I clasp my gloved hands together, tilting my head back and breathing in the bitter-sweet smell of violets. Little did I know, everyone had stopped dancing to glance my way. Something about the way I let it show so freely how much this place effected me made their own eyes churn with desire.
Desire to be able to let go and drift into a lovely dream.
Inspired, now, I take a step forward, the moonlight spilling down onto me as a loving embrace and a sudden gust of wind caressing my chilled skin. My hair whips around my neck, like greedy vines and I let my arms open up to the sky, a full smile stretching across my face with pure joy.
The moon smiled back down at me with her heart achingly sad silver gaze. With the eyes of someone who had felt much pain, but wasn’t broken by it.
Oh, the lonely moon. How I wonder who once held your heart so gently…
My mind drifts as I’m filled with silent reverence for the bitter-sweet feeling churning in my gut at the dark beauty surrounding this sanctuary.
Twirling, my gown exploding out swiftly like an opening flower bud, I reach to an invisible partner. Stepping in motion with him, swaying in and out, twisting and gliding across the light pavement circling the intricately adorned fountain.
Though music surrounded me, the trickling water, the harmonious chirping of crickets and even a few nightingales throwing in a tune or two, I danced to music that only my ears could hear.
I heard him humming it gently in my ear, the rhythm slow and deep. It was of ancient tongue and burned straight to the core. I remember it making my body tremble and my knees weak by the power and beauty of such a gentle lullaby.
We’d danced, just the two of us, underneath the moon in the small grove behind my house as he breathed long lost songs of love and heartbreak, one’s of victory and loss. The pain and joy just as bitter-sweet as tonight felt to me. It was wordlessly beautiful.
Could I ever forget such a tune? Even now, my lungs are suffocating with it, with him.
My legs guided me, curving in and around the few couples still gathered in the sanctuary, but my mind was far away. I was diving through tall fields of sunlight, I was floating down the churning riverbank, leading to the endless ocean of tumultuous sea, I was in his mighty arms, dissolving into his skin, basking in his adoring presence.
I didn’t even notice the staring, anymore, as I sang silently through coiling plumes of moonbeams with my unseen love. It didn’t phase me to lock eyes with hesitant eyes, some worried, some curious.
I’d seen them all before, though each time through a different person, they were still the same eyes. Because what made them similar is what they weren’t. They weren’t him.
And so, in that empty sea of eyes, I felt alone. But it didn’t feel frightening anymore to not feel him beside me, because though I couldn’t grasp his hand in mine, at the deepest place in my soul his heart beat as mine. Together we were one, so silently we would dance. A million worlds apart, but still so close.
The pained wonder in my soul was like eternity. A never-ending echo that rang across the fortunes of time. Even though he no longer was with me, he still enriched my life with his ever-lasting presence that had a place in my heart.
Everything was so beautiful to me, now. I could drown in the serenity of this sanctuary, softly murmured questions drifting in and around me.
They ask, “Why?” But no one ever gives an answer. What if I were to find these answers?
I feel the excitement and determination of the years to come overwhelm me and my tempo picks up as I fly across the pavement, a coiling snake about to spring. I let my body free, my arms twisting above my arms like swaying tree branches and my body churn with ancient passion.
In this haven, I was lost within myself and the lives of fire and ice.
Here, I was free.
But it was in this moment that everything shifted, something in my subconscious awoken, something in my gut kicked. His stomach dropping, heart stopping presence, his delicious aroma, my home.
It was his sultry voice I heard in my mind before my eyes fluttered open.
I almost fell to a stop, my trance transforming into blood pounding hope. And there he was. The love of my life, my soul companion that I had waited and waited for. He was standing right in front of me, his lips raised in an amused smile, as though time had not changed a thing between us…Like it hadn’t changed a thing about me.
But it was in his snowy eyes that I saw the pure happiness and just how much he had felt my absence.
I was frozen. Frozen with all the things I wanted to say, and how much his presence still made me feel small and vulnerable like I’d been simmering for years beneath the power of his love.
I was nothing but in love with him when seeing him and my heart struggled to beat normally.
The words were barely above a whisper, but from the gleaming smile he gave me in return, I know he’d heard it.
I hadn’t noticed it, but everyone had stopped again to watch, like they were entrapped by a deadly love story.
I thought it would be me who broke first, but just as surely, we rushed to each other, body pressed tightly together, breath on breath. Drowning in each other and grasping everywhere as though to know we’d remembered everything right.
He was far more intimidatingly glorious, and touchingly beautiful then my memory could ever put into comprehension.
How much I had missed being here with him, having his lips in my hair and his heart beat next to mine. I feel the tears before I can stop them, they streamed down my face in angry lines.
He chuckles, feeling them coat the shirt that clung to his body. And pulls me back just enough to look deep within my eyes, and dab my wet eyes with his thumb, gently.
“No more tears, my love. I’m here now.”
I couldn’t help it, the statement filled me with lovely joy and comfort. He was here, right in my arms and nothing could take away the relief of all the burdens I had to bear without him there.
He’d come back, just like he always did and this time, I knew he’d be here for good.
I tap his nose, playfully, just like old times and whisper breathlessly, “I missed you so much.”
Pain flares in his eyes as I say this, and he wraps his arms tightly around my waist, pulling my feet a bit off the ground as he hugged me. He breathes into my ear, “I‘m here now, never again will you have to say those words.”
It was in that moment that we both seemed to surge with passion and our lips embrace, our hands curling and twisting around each other. My fingers in his hair and his, caressing the small of my back.
I’d never thought I would be able to feel him here with me, like this, so real, so alive, again.
We burned with love, we burned with desire, and our hearts expanded with strength and clarity. Together, we were unstoppable.
It was when we pulled back that we both said the three words we’d been saying for millions of years, and had been dying to say again to each other,
“I love you.”
And oh, how I did love him.