Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the boys from west memphisdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kathleenbrennan
    ASL Info:    20's/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    1.71 - 80/84/74
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 917
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1001



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe boys from west memphisdots
    -------------------------------------------


    dark hair
    sad faces
    filled with innocence
    longing for manhood
    still children
    forced to grow up
    put into cages
    for crimes they did not commit
    almost two decades
    holed up in those cages
    glimmers of hope
    lose luster daily
    looking for answers
    to unanswered questions
    hoping for freedom
    looking for redemption

    three young boys
    now aged into men
    still locked in cages
    still looking for answers
    fighting a battle
    hoping to win
    knowing the answers
    will soon begin
    a day in the sunlight
    no longer in cages
    they smile at their neighbours
    no longer in cages

    but still they are locked up
    looking for answers
    no bite marks
    no hair
    and still they are taken
    away from their love
    away from their children
    locked up in cages
    when will they free them?




    Submitted on 2009-11-22 00:11:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like it, it works for me "cage" muh! all around it good work. well done
    | Posted on 2009-11-22 00:00:00 | by H.Redd | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the topic of the poem. do u happen to be a member of colorofchange.org? :) anyway, my only beef is some ideas are a little repetitive (e.g. the word "cages"). that might be what you were going for, but the timing of repetition doesn't work out very well for me. the entire idea of the poem might have been better made in 1 or 2 coherent stanzas. personally, i feel that anger works best when said in one quick burst.
    | Posted on 2009-11-22 00:00:00 | by gotdalife06 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    180568

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry