Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Trust Me, I'm Tryingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mojymo
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 50/59/41
    Words: 194
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 473
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1378



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTrust Me, I'm Tryingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm trying to give two fucks about your life.
    But it's hard.

    I don't really care.
    I couldn't scrounge up a crumb of sympathy
    even if you brought your dead
    5-month-old puppy to my door.

    I couldn't shit out an "I'm sorry"
    for your favorite diseased grandmother.
    I didn't give her the burden of dying.

    Jesus, you're so fucking stupid...

    You're expecting me to give you the okay
    to kill yourself.
    To give you permission to end
    your life of pitiful sorrow
    that you've been pack-ratting since
    your mother bitchslapped you
    and kicked you out.

    You juice up every day on a wine glass
    full of fresh tears.
    You get drunk on a day's-worth of bad luck.
    You puke up excuses like a bulimic.

    I don't mean to cringe at the sight of you.
    It's this nervous twitch I get whenever you come around.
    And I don't mean to take shit out on you.
    You're just easy prey.

    I'm trying to give two fucks about your existence.
    But it's hard.

    Trust me, I'm trying.

    Not really, though.

    End: Sunday, November 22, 2009
    9:59 AM




    Submitted on 2009-11-22 21:07:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You write some powerful [censored]. There is a non-stop anger in it that draws you like a moth to the flame - leaves you with an uncomfortable feeling that you'll be burned. I'd like to see what you can do with something without anger driving it. Bring it from another place but make it real. You have light in you other than from the fire.
    | Posted on 2009-11-28 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Woa this so reminds me of a track on Tool where the guy says "fvck you american, you know you will have an accident soon. I'm into black magic you know. 1 in every three americans die of cancer, fvck you." this is stark and powerful in a sense but i have to say it seems like you held back or distanced yourself somewhat from the emotion. Maybe it is something you cannot go into too deeply for fear that it might consume you? Still an enjoyable piece, made me feel rather dirty while reading it as if you were pointing the piece at me the reader haha. Anyways it was good, typo in the second last stanza "two and not (to)" . Good work, nice to have you back!
    | Posted on 2009-11-23 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    180584

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry