Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Trust Me, I'm Tryingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mojymo
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 50/59/41
    Words: 194
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 557
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1378



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTrust Me, I'm Tryingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm trying to give two fucks about your life.
    But it's hard.

    I don't really care.
    I couldn't scrounge up a crumb of sympathy
    even if you brought your dead
    5-month-old puppy to my door.

    I couldn't shit out an "I'm sorry"
    for your favorite diseased grandmother.
    I didn't give her the burden of dying.

    Jesus, you're so fucking stupid...

    You're expecting me to give you the okay
    to kill yourself.
    To give you permission to end
    your life of pitiful sorrow
    that you've been pack-ratting since
    your mother bitchslapped you
    and kicked you out.

    You juice up every day on a wine glass
    full of fresh tears.
    You get drunk on a day's-worth of bad luck.
    You puke up excuses like a bulimic.

    I don't mean to cringe at the sight of you.
    It's this nervous twitch I get whenever you come around.
    And I don't mean to take shit out on you.
    You're just easy prey.

    I'm trying to give two fucks about your existence.
    But it's hard.

    Trust me, I'm trying.

    Not really, though.

    End: Sunday, November 22, 2009
    9:59 AM




    Submitted on 2009-11-22 21:07:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You write some powerful [censored]. There is a non-stop anger in it that draws you like a moth to the flame - leaves you with an uncomfortable feeling that you'll be burned. I'd like to see what you can do with something without anger driving it. Bring it from another place but make it real. You have light in you other than from the fire.
    | Posted on 2009-11-28 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Woa this so reminds me of a track on Tool where the guy says "fvck you american, you know you will have an accident soon. I'm into black magic you know. 1 in every three americans die of cancer, fvck you." this is stark and powerful in a sense but i have to say it seems like you held back or distanced yourself somewhat from the emotion. Maybe it is something you cannot go into too deeply for fear that it might consume you? Still an enjoyable piece, made me feel rather dirty while reading it as if you were pointing the piece at me the reader haha. Anyways it was good, typo in the second last stanza "two and not (to)" . Good work, nice to have you back!
    | Posted on 2009-11-23 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    180584

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Drink written by jjd
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    Bond written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry