This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Trust Me, I'm Trying

Author: mojymo
Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 50 /59 /41
Words: 194
Class/Type: Poetry /Satire
Total Views: 1122
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1378


Trust Me, I'm Trying

I'm trying to give two fucks about your life.
But it's hard.

I don't really care.
I couldn't scrounge up a crumb of sympathy
even if you brought your dead
5-month-old puppy to my door.

I couldn't shit out an "I'm sorry"
for your favorite diseased grandmother.
I didn't give her the burden of dying.

Jesus, you're so fucking stupid...

You're expecting me to give you the okay
to kill yourself.
To give you permission to end
your life of pitiful sorrow
that you've been pack-ratting since
your mother bitchslapped you
and kicked you out.

You juice up every day on a wine glass
full of fresh tears.
You get drunk on a day's-worth of bad luck.
You puke up excuses like a bulimic.

I don't mean to cringe at the sight of you.
It's this nervous twitch I get whenever you come around.
And I don't mean to take shit out on you.
You're just easy prey.

I'm trying to give two fucks about your existence.
But it's hard.

Trust me, I'm trying.

Not really, though.

End: Sunday, November 22, 2009
9:59 AM

Submitted on 2009-11-22 21:07:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  You write some powerful [censored]. There is a non-stop anger in it that draws you like a moth to the flame - leaves you with an uncomfortable feeling that you'll be burned. I'd like to see what you can do with something without anger driving it. Bring it from another place but make it real. You have light in you other than from the fire.
| Posted on 2009-11-28 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
  Woa this so reminds me of a track on Tool where the guy says "fvck you american, you know you will have an accident soon. I'm into black magic you know. 1 in every three americans die of cancer, fvck you." this is stark and powerful in a sense but i have to say it seems like you held back or distanced yourself somewhat from the emotion. Maybe it is something you cannot go into too deeply for fear that it might consume you? Still an enjoyable piece, made me feel rather dirty while reading it as if you were pointing the piece at me the reader haha. Anyways it was good, typo in the second last stanza "two and not (to)" . Good work, nice to have you back!
| Posted on 2009-11-23 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?