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    dots Submission Name: The long road homedots

    Author: isis_lenore
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 459/207/102
    Words: 503
    Class/Type: Story/Depressed
    Total Views: 861
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2692


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe long road homedots

    Tired as I was from the drive, I couldn’t relax in that tiny, motel room. I tried to blame it on the lumpy avocado green bed or the lingering smell of stale cigarettes, but I knew that wasn’t what was keeping me awake. Thoughts were competing with each other in my mind, nipping for attention, begging to be given validation. I had no idea where I was going. No destination marked on the map. Just a room, bouncing hollowness back at me-

    I tried lying back in the bed and counting the plaster tiles, and then slowly, I moved on to the yellow-grey water stains, trying to discern a pattern in the seeming randomness. There had to be some sense in the world. Why couldn’t I find it in the ceiling’s imperfections?

    Back home, I knew I was loved, but I also knew I couldn’t stay in that town any longer; not after what happened. I couldn’t stand the sight of another cobbled drive or another picketed fence. I couldn’t bare another plastic smile or whisper behind my back. I didn’t want one more frozen cobbler. And I didn’t need one more glance, full of false concern.

    I thought if I could just get away- maybe it will be alright; maybe something in the world will make sense again. If only one little thing in the world would make sense, maybe I could move on…But nothing is ever easy, so I chose the easiest, hard path- the one labeled “goodbye”.

    As I packed my bags I was almost giddy at the thought of escape. My heart pounded in my ears, covering the little lies I told to smooth my way-

    “…No, I’ll be fine, I just need a fresh start…”, “Yes, I have a plan, it’s all here- somewhere…”

    Like a mantra, I repeated those lines over and over trying to make them true. I told them to anybody who cared enough to ask a direct question, but mostly I repeated them to myself. By the time my bags were packed, I believed them.

    The day I drove away, it felt like there was a reason to hope; the sky was crystalline and road out of town was newly paved. I wanted to get as far away as possible. I drove as far as the first day would take me and until the next day caught up. I drove until I could barely think to drive, and finally pulled my little red truck, over in some little town, with a name- not worth mentioning.

    Its here I find myself, counting tiles, trying to avoid the thoughts breaking my sense of peace. The absolute certainty that this is direction I should be headed- is missing. I can’t say if it is right, wrong, or somewhere in-between. I only know, I once had a place, that felt like home and I don’t know which direction will lead me back.

    Submitted on 2009-11-23 16:42:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow another connection
    I'm only a kid right
    but my living conditions aren't great
    I always felt that I would be better off without my mother and siblings
    and they would without me
    I'd be one less mouth to feed
    so I left
    don't worry I went back when mortality set in
    I had this thought that I'd be alright
    and even if i die I wouldn't mind cause I hate living
    that wasn't the case
    and of course I'm also one of those people who try to find the cracks in the diamonds of humanity
    the fairy tale religions and the chemicals that fuel my familys love for me

    wait am I venting or critiquing?
    Your poems really make me think about myself
    and they're pretty damn good aswell

    -Its Matt again
    | Posted on 2010-03-08 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is excellent! It gives very good attention to detail, and it directs the reader's feelings. It is as if the reader is accompanying the writer on the voyage. Excellent title, and a masterful write. Take this kind of true story and emotion, complete with this much detail, into a novel and you'll have a winner!

    Of all things, I have a poem at my site with the exact same title, but different story. It is a rhyming poem also.

    Nice work!
    | Posted on 2009-11-25 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
    I loved it. I loved the way you wrote it. def. good. I loved the style. It was very capturing. I loved it.
    | Posted on 2009-11-24 00:00:00 | by PopRocksRae | [ Reply to This ]

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