Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Romantic Gibberishdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 137/243/158
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 608
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 516



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRomantic Gibberishdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The night is closing in around me,
    Putting its palm upon my head
    And holding gently in the corner
    The steep caress of my heartbreak.

    His eyes would linger for a moment,
    His breath would wind itself to me;
    This tease, this laugh, this persuasion -
    I am resolved, I shall not steer.

    I cannot stoop along the shadows,
    I cannot keep the promise heard,
    The night is closing in around me –
    So swift, so innocent, so hurt…




    Submitted on 2009-11-29 03:24:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      My heart has been set to burst lately and I find myself picking around this site looking for other people's perspectives to this malady. Or should that be melody? I'm not sure. But you pick up on intangibles here and make it somehow real and living, breathing as such.

    Your first two lines I can empathise with greatly most nights. Magically said.
    | Posted on 2010-01-01 00:00:00 | by trinityfinger | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is quite lovely.

    The two lines that might need a bit of work are the ones with repetition.

    'this tease' seems to clash against the previous tense

    and in the last line it feels a little flat...

    I see that you've tried to match both those lines up and that's pretty effective but it's not quite there yet.

    Quietly sad, and lovely.
    | Posted on 2009-12-05 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      You describe pain in an elegant way here and all the emotions portrayed seem innocent at first until you delve deeper to see that all is not just roses. I like the shortness of this piece, to me it speaks of the short bursts of emotion that get us when it comes to love or love lost. These bursts are quite intense and could cripple us easily. A wonderful read, i loved it.
    | Posted on 2009-11-29 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    180748

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Date night written by expiring_touch
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bond written by saartha
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Push written by JanePlane
    Incubus written by monad
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    To written by SavedDragon
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    In My Head written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry