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    dots Submission Name: Summer Kingdots

    Author: mojymo
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 50/59/41
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 619
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1150

       my shadow: I wrote this two years ago and hate it. This is not talent in my eyes. Tell me what you think. Have I failed?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSummer Kingdots

    He rose early to kiss my forehead
    before he left for work.
    I fell asleep again and woke
    to an empty bed and rumpled sheets.
    A note on the fridge told me hed be working late.
    I let my disappointment sink in before getting myself some coffee.
    The cup was warm in my hands,
    reminding me of his body next to mine
    in the same bed, his heat
    wrapping around me like an extra blanket,
    keeping the chill of darkness away.
    And I let the memory fade and stirred the coffee,
    seeing his face in the swirls of light brown.
    Day turned to night and I waited up for him.
    The door opened, and he stepped in,
    my summer king, my sweet dream,
    my one eternity and forever.
    He kissed me gently,
    resting his lips on mine.
    We slipped between the covers and huddled close
    like best friends telling secrets on the playground.
    In his embrace, I closed my eyes
    and drifted away into the oblivion,
    waking up to his sweet kiss and gentle touch.
    My summer king, my sweet dream,
    my one eternity and forever.

    Submitted on 2009-11-29 20:31:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I dont know why people dont generally comment easily on love poems. I like the story like way you presented this and some of the metaphors went well but i especially loved "seeing his face in the swirls" that was awesome. You have a good consistency in this piece and i dont think it lacks talent, maybe in your own eyes when you compare it to recent writings but hey i have only been writing for 2 years now and hate my early stuff but still there are others who appreciate it like i appreciate this. I dont think its a fail.
    | Posted on 2009-11-30 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]

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