Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Based on a Rocky Relationshipdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: charmedidentity
    ASL Info:    23/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    6.9 - 864/897/406
    Words: 240
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 487
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1460



    Description:
       How many people have the boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy lives happily ever after with girl fairytale..... with no problems in the middle?????

    I just hope everyday life is a strong enough foundation.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBased on a Rocky Relationshipdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Based on a rocky foundation

    Our fairytale is not at the top of the charts
    Of the best stories ever to be known.
    It feels like a tale better to be left untold;
    It still is the story of you and me.

    What can I say about this house?
    Weíve built it with our bare hands.
    Weíve built this with our hearts in mind
    Not knowing where the ending might lead
    If there was even any ending to begin with.

    What can I say about this foundation?
    It wasnít the best ground to start with.
    It wasnít something that took time to plan
    We just jumped right at it without a thought
    We didnít think it will crumble back to the ground.

    What can I say about the basic structure?
    Itís simple but itís the best Iíve ever seen!
    Itís the simplest things I fell in love with,
    It didnít require me to swallow my nerves
    Because I knew the results were mind blowing.

    What can I say about our love story?
    Weíve nurtured it with our bare hands
    And made it into the best ground possible
    By keeping our core emotions simple,
    Filling the holes without knowing we did it.

    Our fairytale is not at the top of the charts;
    We do not have an illusion of perfection.
    All we have are two people building together;
    A foundation based on everyday experiences.




    Submitted on 2009-12-01 21:23:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the way you tell the story and describing the way things happen and progress but i read a kind of doubt between the lines and a hope that all will be wel in the end despite portraying all in a good light. I like the piece and the flow but it seemed a bit bland to me as if you could add some more feeling or description to color it in. A good write. Thanks for sharing.

    :-)

    -Svw
    | Posted on 2009-12-02 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    180818

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The World written by jjd
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ¬©‚ĄĘ written by kyserin
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry