[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Tower Of Lost Souls pt.1dots

    Author: KindredSpirit
    ASL Info:    20, Male, Burlington Iowa
    Elite Ratio:    2 - 54/139/173
    Words: 208
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 362
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1334

       This one will have many parts to it. I am not yet sure as too how many. Leave me your comments, let me know what you think. I shall upload more once I have them completed.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Tower Of Lost Souls pt.1dots

    A tower looms across the plain as seen.
    It has stood tall, for as long as time has been.
    A history of horror, torment and pain.
    Swamped with catacombs, where men were slain.
    The mossy sides, are stained with blood.
    Where children were hung, and evil did all it could.
    This is the place,
    Evil's resting place.

    A man of twenty, brood and bold.
    Wandering lost, in the winters dark cold.
    He approaches at last, a place to rest.
    He steps inside, and lays his hands to his breast.
    Slumbering by the fire he has made.
    A tune of eerie proportions is slowly played.
    He stumbles awake, and peers around.
    Glancing towards a piano, but no feet touch the ground.
    He walk towards the grand instrument with aw.
    He never comprehended, what his eyes had saw.
    It was nothing.
    But the keys played gently, and strummed in motion.
    So softly they played, he could hear the ocean.
    The hairs of his back, slowly stiffened in the cold.
    A feeling of a presence, or his soul be sold.
    "I taketh your soul, as you would wish."
    A voice erupted, a scent of rotting fish.
    "Who be yee?" Our man would say.
    Silence, til the break of day.

    Submitted on 2009-12-02 14:39:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You not only have a good story but you also have a nice rhyming structure and that's hard to do. Good job.
    | Posted on 2009-12-09 00:00:00 | by WhiteTiger | [ Reply to This ]
      you have a got great start to the poem. the start gives the creeps. but later the poem losses out. maybe you stretched it too long just to make several parts out of it.

    forget about the parts and rewrite it, it ll b wonderful. the start promises that...
    | Posted on 2009-12-03 00:00:00 | by rsujith | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Every..... written by jackz
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Love written by saartha
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Records I written by Raphael
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    prison written by ShyOne
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]