good good. i'm starting to become a fan of haikus. this one definitely impressed me. but, there is just one little problem...you're missing a syllable in the first line... other than that, daddy like :)
wow probably one of the best haikus i have yet to read. comparing your strength to a tree...that is poetry. I don't know why but i like reading poems dealing with treess, whether they refer to it once or symbolize it...ive always like them. this is good. shattered dreams and yet you are as strong as the willow who silently weeps within your heart still standing high and mighty. still as strong as the red oak in the forest strongest of them all...etc. yeah i know i'm rambling on but this is good. thanks for sharing. I guess random pages did my look justice...bravo
what doesn't break us makes us stronger. beautifully put. very nice haiku. I couldn't have said it better! we can still come out of the fire in one piece although a little charred. and lost dreams will be replaced with new ones. best wishes. keep up the good writing.
This is a great Haiku...though they're short, Haiku's can express great depth...and you proven it so well with this one...Though i can't read your mind, and therefor don't know you're exact message, this is what i got from this piece...No matter how one is beat down or abused you have the power to endure...and if you hold your roots through such times then there is always a foundation to regrow and flower anew...Though this may not be your intention, i found a beautiful meaning in it anyway...Fantastic job, you've created a wonderful work of art...Thank you for this, and i hope there are more to come...thanks again and i hope to hear from you...Take care...Travis
Haiku is supposed to have the surface and subsurface meaning, so I don't see a contradiction between fire and shattered. The fire is a symbol of many tribulations. And shattered is symbolic of many kinds of failure under trial. I thought it fit the form and intent quite well. Good job, Dave
Haiku is really hard for me because i always end up with too many syllables or something and have to cut stuff and then it doesn't fit. Haiku usually incorporates a season, so maybe you should take out or revise the second line so it says something one of the seasons. Nice though. The last line is powerful. -DaNi.
That last line is strong. It is challenging to say alot in haikus. I think the second line should go: burning away what was once green. green symbolizing life, hope dreams. I thought about burning away branches-extensions of self. The key element is that the tree remains and if its roots are in good soil those extensions of self, its foliage and fruit will re-grow. Some trees require fire to help release their seeds. This is a thought provoking piece. I hope you do revise it.
I have to agree that fire and broken seem mismatched when first being considered. But, has anyone reflected on what fire damaged trees really look like. They are burned until weakend and when weakened they break. Your tree is withstanding this abuse. It remains firm and strong when all else is lost. I like to think this is a methaphor for faith.
This is a very nice haiku, for it only being your second attempt. They way personify the tree is very nice w/ the dreams being lost and shattered. Keep working w/haikus as difficult as they may be the easier you find writing them, the easier you may find writing more things good luck
i would suggest in the second line you use something more akin to the fire in the first line. broken and shattered don't mesh with the visual of a raging fire. does that make sense? perhaps something like "...dreams burning, ..." i like the idea of this, though. haikus are hard to write.
The word fire should be spoken as a one syllable word. You may want to add another word to the first line such as, The fire rages on...
OMG I just noticed I already commented on this piece last month...that's okay though as I feel mor should be said.
Don't listen to the whiners that complain that Haiku is not a true art form and a waste of time. Haiku is an ancient tradition and actually of the the first types of poetic writing. It is an art that shouldn't be lost.
I stand by my original response that fire and shattered do go together in meaning. Forest fires shatter trees and leave a wake of destruction in their paths.
One thing I failed to mention last time though...In the truest forms of Haiku each line must be a single thought to itself but all must tie together. It also must have a nature reference which you did have.
Let me explain...
The fire rages on Dreams are broken and shattered The tree still stands tall
You need to not continue one line into another by using "but". Each line stands alone, all fit together, nature is referenced. End of Haiku lesson, lol!
I see nothing wrong with it as it is though. It is a strong little piece.
wow. . . as if I wouldn't like this. I love the word "shattered" (I'm a word-freak. . . words are my passion), and you've used it excellenty. Good write! -Secret
Submission Name: strength
