[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: the storydots

    Author: Shadowstar13
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 191/191/129
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 892
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 801


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe storydots

    The rotting thread
    spun throughout this "time"
    without a reason, without a rhyme
    this story flying on silver wings
    hiding corrupted flesh with golden rings-

    this is the autumn of our time.

    isn't it strange? the human race?
    race-an unanswered question, a dash to death?

    this is a time where
    souls can be bought and a husk needs no mind
    blood is a commodity, the gold standard of this necrotic economy
    built out of parts and bodies
    and you're a world-class oddity if you dare
    be anything but plastic and silicone.

    you've heard this before
    and you'll hear it again
    so start listening now, before this sybil's signs go silent.

    Submitted on 2009-12-06 18:03:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      An amazing poetry I dare say
    Well constructed on the theory
    the End-of- Days theme
    that is gospel by the way.

    You have managed I dare say
    To bring the rhyme
    To be in Chime to
    The End of the Game bells
    Ringing in my head.

    Such is this World we live
    A Life forfeited to
    Balance the Scales
    Weighted down by Dust
    Is Fools Gold Necrotic.

    I agree O wise Woman
    Build out of Parts and Bodies
    The Silicon end Plastics
    Oddly Blood Never was
    Souls intended Twisted.

    The hu-man Race a
    Dash To Death
    Circled Ring of fools gold
    Silver Wings Carrying
    The Burden The Cry:
    Man Beware!

    I like it well done Runes. luv jm

    | Posted on 2009-12-08 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked the alliteration of the last line, all those S words were nice but im not sure it fit with the feel of the piece, those sounds are so fast moving, continous, and thats what you end on."isn't it strange? the human race?/race-an unanswered question, a dash to death?" is a clever line, the wording, the irony and pun of it is charming. tho thats prob not the point of this "story". my problem with the piece is the lack of connection from idea to idea, theres smart wording and cunning phrases but no solid link, except maybe skepticism or criticism. overall not bad,
    | Posted on 2009-12-07 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]