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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Sinsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: daughterofdeath
    ASL Info:    23/Female/West Virginia
    Elite Ratio:    4.68 - 277/293/232
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 623
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 594



    Description:
       More lines. They will be gone on wednesday, I'll be on a computer.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Sinsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I remember the smile
    that used to bring me joy
    now brings me to tears.
    The stab in my heart
    one knife at a time,
    as my imperfections
    are put on display.
    No, not on purpose,
    that was not your plan,
    but its always me.
    I'm always in the wrong
    and I shouldn't do
    everything that I do.
    All of my problems
    and all of my sins
    are a disappointment.
    You won't tell me
    but I can see it,
    in the smile I loved
    and in the eyes
    I can't look into.




    Submitted on 2009-12-07 21:49:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      okay, so: i get what you're saying in the first three lines, but it doesn't quite make sense. instead of 'i remember', you could put 'remembering'. i like that edit. it makes sense and still contains the same effect therein. that is the only thing i would change about this piece. the last lines bring it all together; 'the eyes i can't look into', man, so heart-wrenching! great write. ~Syn
    | Posted on 2011-06-29 00:00:00 | by Syn | [ Reply to This ]
      your description is a little wierd but anyhow to the submission! i grew up in a missionary focused church, think hyper moderates with the traditions of methodist/baptist and a major feeling of "the children are our future" in every action of teh small community. when i was young i was impassioned, or i should say younger, im still young, but it was a simple and magical feeling to love god and know he would take care of everything. theres a common term, "backslider", the person who once had faith and now knowingly goes with out it, ive slid into that, circumstances in life make me question why, but even beyond the cynicism there me just standing there missing that childlike trust i had in a higher guardian. ive come to think everyone has these moments, some last longer than others, and although i am still devout, i am interested and i believe, and i hope to someday before i am old and gray to have that passion again.

    i decided to comment your piece, not because it spoke to me but because it reminded me of the Mad Libs books I used to fill out, sometimes I still do cos there cool. But anyhow after I got past my initial interest in the format, i related to the poem.

    Have a __________ Holiday Season!
    (adjective)


    -Ash
    | Posted on 2009-12-07 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      We don't stop loving somebody. I reckon it is the return to independence that makes us so angry and aggrieved. Some people have written a poem like this to God - after thinking too straight and so confusing their faith!

    What did you mean: "I'll be on a computer" ? Isn't that what this is?
    | Posted on 2009-12-07 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]


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