I tend to agree with Mr. Barlow. I appreciate the idea behind the poem-the sheer madness. I am particularly intrigued by the idea of the third eye and that you've placed yourself in the role of a sybil. (Hahaha, the irony of that movie title gets me everytime) You might could mention the word sybil to bring in that irony into your poemand really do like the piece. The only thing I would suggest is to take some time with it and really give it the finesse it deserves. Overall, a very good read. Thank you for posting!
but I liked very much how you worked the metaphor here, esp the prepping of someone for someone else. That's rather sad and quite delicious/beautiful.
I also liked that this is pretty simple, simon where the language is concerned. If you can hit someone in the heart with that approach then the future bodes well.
One thing I think you could do would be to use a careful hand with the third eye metaphor, that would helpyou shorten this and concentrate its power.
You introduced the theme and expanded on it, and when you talk about prepping and pillows and a woman walking in to take him away then these are very strong points of emotion... they crry on the work of the first metaphor.
I think this is potentially a gut punch of a poem.