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    dots Submission Name: Bitter Sour Scream dots

    Author: ladydeathstrike
    ASL Info:    27/F/Chicago
    Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 259/284/94
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 526
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 907

       ...Everything does really happen in the rain... fall in the love under its coupling drops... break up under a thundering sky... making love... having fun... the sky releases its breath.....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBitter Sour Scream dots

    You always leave…

    The rear of your car
    The only memory I have of you

    In the rain
    Most of all tragedies
    happen in the rain

    Drizzle little drop
    Bang against the top
    Drip, drip, thud
    My footprints in the mud

    And the lights grow dim
    And I scream and scream

    The roar of your engine
    Barks back

    Drizzle…Bang… Drip

    The cold leaves my hands
    And it’s all a lie….
    No ghost of you shimmering besides

    And the sky speaks poetry
    Lighting flashing display
    An array of emotions
    Mixed in with the rain

    But I never see it coming
    I don’t see you turn back

    Bitter sour scream
    Mixed in with the rain

    Submitted on 2009-12-09 23:52:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Powerful piece, i like the over all idea of the work but the flow is a bit akward, punctuation is a must, we need to feel it in its entirety and not guess where to pause etc, save for the line breaks. I like the feelings you put forth but the way you articualte it is a bit off to me, just a few stumbles but i still enjoyed the content.

    | Posted on 2009-12-11 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]

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