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My Hangover at McDonalds

Author: MyX
ASL Info:    27/m/Ohio
Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 932 /973 /107
Words: 704
Class/Type: Prose /Depressed
Total Views: 2196
Average Vote:    4.5000
Bytes: 4561


See below.

My Hangover at McDonalds

“Excuse me, sir. There are no more empty seats.
Would you be kind enough to move
to another location so that we may seat our guests?”

“Come on, are you serious?
Its seventeen degrees outside!
And I've just been told
that my car is pissing me for another 180 dollars
and that it will take another hour and a half to be fixed!
Would you be so kind as to let me relax here until they call me?”

I was being tossed out
of a busy, inner city McDonalds.
As much money as I put into a company
that has contributed to my physical ruin
over the years with their poisonous gruel,
they were giving me the boot.
Was it my stench?
Vile beer breath coupled with a reeking,
half smoked cigarette in my coat pocket?
Or was it my stained and wrinkled thrift clothes
that they found so repulsive?
Perhaps it was merely the sour look on my unshaven face,
typically worn when one is being bankrupt
by another organization that thrives
on made-to-break car products.

A teenage girl with with braces and braids walked up to me.
“I'm sorry sir. You've been sitting in this spot for two hours...”
“...I'm not bothering anybody....”
“...and all you have purchased was one large coffee.” she noted.
I looked over to the ice cold coffee
that I'd completely forgotten
and took a sip from it.
“Some people enjoy it this way.” I told her.
She was completely unmoved by this statement.
“You're going to have to leave.” she said.
“O.K. Look. I'm not leaving. I have every right to sit here.”
“I'll get the manager.” she warned.
“You do that.”

That was when I over heard her
telling the manager that I was rude to her.
She was now making an unsanctioned,
personal attack of my character.
Out of line. I thought. Completely uncalled for.
I cannot let this stand.

“I was not rude to you!” I hollered,
observing a family that was eating their
greasy cuisine afoot.
“Yes you were!” she insisted.
“No I wasn't!”
“Yes you were!”
“No. I. Was. Not!”
Oh please, I thought.
Why don't you go home
and facebook about it you wretched little drama queen!

I turned to the manager
who stood in front of everything.
The building was whistling madly
like an operating room.
What was the point of all those bells and whistles?
Was the working body so stoned
that they couldn't tell if the fries were burning
without thousands of dollars of obnoxious gadgetry?
For one with a hangover,
it was nothing short of excruciating,
like laying in bed with ten
smoke detectors and a lit cigarette.
However this madness didn't seem
to bother any of them.
“Is it alright if I__”
“Sir. You have to leave.”
“Christ! Will you all quit calling me that?”
He crossed his arms.
“Can I please stay?”
Yes. I was pleading with a man
who probably makes about 30,000 a year,
to let me stay inside of a McDonalds.
“I won't pester anyone. I promise.”
“Leave!” he barked, flushed in the face.
“But there are plenty of seats available now! Look!”

And just like that
I was exiled like a pariah
from a multi-billion dollar corporation
that mistook me for some kind of homeless man
because I failed to order more than $1.60 worth of
of their goods.
All the happy little faces in the restaurant
were pointed at me from every direction.
So this is how a convict feels.
Another miscreant from the wild life of our humanity.
For all they knew,
I could be a child molester,
a murderer,
a rapist,
a robber.
But I was no such man.
I was just a guy getting ripped off across the street.

I had no choice.
I didn't want to be arrested
and butt-fucked by a muffler in the same day.
So I left.

Have I hit rock bottom,
or has America?
Or mankind?

Submitted on 2009-12-11 13:44:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  what a slice of America contained in this poem..unhappy people working jobs they hate, and taking it out on everyone else...

perfect melodrama you set up...

and you didn't even get fries with that?

| Posted on 2011-05-05 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
  I like your depiction of hard hitting reality.

I find teenage female employees in McDonald's to be really out of line as well sometimes.
As if they are pissed at a customer for their choice of working there almost.
Then again I only eat there one or twice a year and that's it.

It brags about being America's number one public restaurant for the people when clearly they've pulled such [censored] here that's incredible in a "I'm not loitering, you're just a douche bag manager with no real life but real motive to make my day even worse" type of way.

Another thing here is mannerisms.I could visualize perfectly.Some [censored]y little 18 or 19 year old floozy who points out something that's far from irritable only to make a stink of it.

America hitting rock bottom, mankind following through, yeah.
Everyday in this country Americans lose faith in other Americans as ignorance starts fires, heated like bubbling oil in the hot Texas sun.

What is unique is that this story revolves around America's most famous corporation of slopped eatery under constant criticism and scrutiny but still it remains a juggernaut of the industry in fast food.
I use to think people who faithfully ate there didn't know how to think for themselves or for their bodies but I've left the judging thoughts a while back.

But then, this is profiling too, with this:

I was exiled like a pariah
from a multi-billion dollar corporation
that mistook me for some kind of homeless man

Like I don't get it, they advertise a coffee saying it will better your day and then when you're having a hard day after spending the almighty dollar on their behalf you get verbally shanked, told that you stink in front of about 2 dozen other customers in a scene that's unnecessary.

The only missing question is wtf is the world coming to when you can't prolong a sit down in a popular public eatery minding your own business bothering not even a fly?

The realism...It's unfortunate

| Posted on 2011-04-11 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
  well it seems you've got plenty of comments on this one...
this was fun and i feel one and tha same with your eccentric humor
and fer tha record i worked at mickey ds for six months....and yes the noise is annoying
and the first two weeks i had nightmares about tha drive through drink machine and serve button
after that i never went to work sober ...ha
| Posted on 2010-03-24 00:00:00 | by MINTPATTY | [ Reply to This ]
  my brother has this habit of causing trouble at mcdonalds when he is drunk. one night he went through drive through on a skateboard and took someone elses order on his way through though he never got caught for that one.

one night he was trying to be a good big brother to our younger sister by taking her to mcdonalds. he made her wait outside with his puppy while he went in to get them a feed. he'd been drinking for a good 6 hours by this point. 5minutes later all kindsa madness ensued.

basically he paid $30 for his food and was waiting for it to be made and was singing along to the tv when the manager came out and assumed my brother was just some drunk guy who wanted somewhere to sit down so the manager told him to get out which my brother didnt respond to very well lol
so the manager threw a cheeseburger at him and told him to leave and my brother started yelling and ranting about having paid for more than a cheeseburger

next thing the police were there issuing my brother with a tresspass order haha!
hes not allowed on the premises for the next two years haha!

anyways. thats all i got.
| Posted on 2009-12-13 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  In my opinion, one would have been completely justified in slapping that little tart upside the back of the head with one of their oh-so-famous plastic serving trays. -absolutely worth it, absolutely. If one were to be kicked out...might as well go out with a bang. -particularly upon that girl's head. Yeah.
Wow, I'm done with that.
Agreed, by the by. -with that below me. Cattle indeed. However, I suppose we have "okayed" such treatment and behavior to a degree. It is so unfortunately that people are such jerks in this world. Each of them, even oneself, thinks that the world (every person) owes them something. -how pathetic is that. At times, even in a damn McDonalds, one cannot receive even the smallest amount of consideration or compassion....even respect. Wow.


Also, apologies for the blank comment. My mistake.
| Posted on 2009-12-13 00:00:00 | by misschalloner | [ Reply to This ]
| Posted on 2009-12-13 00:00:00 | by misschalloner | [ Reply to This ]
  Go Facebook about it! HA HA!!! Excellent. I think you have given me a new sarcastic comment to say to people when they give me that odd "WTF" look.

I always feel like people are treated like cattle at a restaurant, any type of restaurant that is popular or busy or trendy. Sit down they feed you, please leave so they can feed the next group of cattle that are waiting. Eat/go/eat/go
We need to use the trough you are sitting at to feed the next heffer.

Your story reminds me of how money can make the world go round and also bring it down.

| Posted on 2009-12-12 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  I think I can answer your ending question with 'all of the above' though I can't adequately speak for you personally...or America...or mankind, for that matter.

Sounds like a bad day among many bad days.

Any place that serves [censored] for food and hires teenagers probably should be steered away from. I mean, people are going to be disgruntled as they attempt to digest whatever the hell is actually in their happy meal and then you have the whole issue of all that grease hanging in the air...ugh.

Anyway -- Gotta say I enjoyed like the commentators before me. It's also a nice change of pace from birds and flowers and whathaveyou poetry (like what I write). Though I do wonder why this is put into stanzas. That's my only nitpick -- and this isn't saying that I don't think plainspeech doesn't have its place in poetry, it definitely does, I just found the line breaks distracting. Think it would read better paragraphed.
| Posted on 2009-12-11 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]
  In my town there is no McDonald's but you can sit at a sidewalk cafe table with a coffee and a toasted sandwich, and several times in an hour watch a cattle-truck pass by on the highway, three metres away, for the highway goes through the main street, which is narrowed to calm the traffic.

That is my example of how the modern world does not seem to be designed for our planet; but your poem here is a great illustration of the same from another place I guess. I liked it, it is a good story with a punchy meaning, told well!

I hate teenagers too, but only because I have never met one who was not my superior in several ways. All my life, I've tried hard to be selfish but my kids effortlessly make me look like an amateur. Well I'm proud of them really but I would not like anybody to think I was not jealous.

| Posted on 2009-12-11 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
  THIS is why I hate teenagers. They're completely oblivious. Completely. And I don't mean the naive oblivious, I just mean they are oblivious to reality, and the forces of this world that brings us to where we go, like banks or church, or [censored] McDonald's.
Okay, that first bit was a bunch of bull[censored], but what I mean is they have no respect for other people and their conditions, yet they expect everyone to [censored] feather dust the very ground they walk on.
But the teenager isn't really the point of the poem (poem?), the point is how absurdly seriously people take McDonald's and their jobs. No, that's not the point either, but they, too, have this "God is Me" attitude because they receive about .01% of the McD's fortune. And it's not really nice money. I mean, think of it, their customers have died from too much consumption of this stuff. Well, not really cos of them. But I'm not going to get into a philosophical discussion over McD's moral practices and their consumer's.
But they are completely heartless. Given that you were a paying customer, that was illegal of them to do, just so you know. They can only kick you out if you haven't bought anything from them. There's no specific amount of time that you're allocated to sit in their plastic restaurant.
This isn't you hitting rock bottom. You have bad luck. But this is America having issues with their own policies. Screw them.
| Posted on 2009-12-11 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmm, quite an interesting and enjoyable piece. I thoroughly enjoyed the read, and the insight into the thought process was magnificent. Quite an interesting posed at the end, which was much to my surprise. At first I suspected a somewhat satirical write, but I found myself at an interesting crossroad of - who do I blame?

And I suppose it is a valid question to pose at this point in life, who is to blame for how things have become? Personally I blame the generations that failed to raise their children wisely and have let loose little maniacs who have ruined our country...but who am I to judge? Well done!
| Posted on 2009-12-11 00:00:00 | by djtswing | [ Reply to This ]

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