I enjoyed this one. The delivery works for me, and the imagery you've chosen conveys a sense of the emptiness of a place (or even a person) abandoned by the people who once made it a warm, or horrifying place. I'm not sure if it is someone returning home, or someone visiting a place that once belonged to strangers, it isn't clear, and really, shouldn't be. But it's the visionary quality that stands out here. You took time to see it, and gave it to us in a way that isn't so spoon fed that we feel it crammed down our throats.
I don't know, I like the atmosphere and I understand why you presented it this way and why switch between images this fast. I kinda like it, except the ending could have been much better and this line: red rover. Please take it out. :) It actually made me laugh, which it shouldn't but the first thing that came to my mind was South Park. Red rocket! Red rocket! :D
nobody came too late.
I was still that lost scared little girl that nobody thought I was. brave? I'm not brave. I missed out on being the girl i wanted to be. and that's why i can't forgive him. I shouldn't have to. I don't want to.
yeah, i agree with the clayman. While there's no doubting the intensity of this i feel as if it requires just a few lines here or there that would take us in closer to this particular story and personlize it. You have all the hard edged stuff in there and now i'd like to take a closer look at deer that fell to a hunter's knife, and know a little bit about their flight.
Wow this is pretty sick, i enjoy the overall idea here but feel there is elaboration and descriptions needed in depth to give it color, i feel you fly over too many ideas too fast to give the reader time to absorb and be bound to. I enjoyed the piece in a weird occult/medieval strange kind of way. It did leave me thinking and wondering about what was said though...