Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forgive Me Notsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 732
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1119



    Description:
       Ok- so every once in a while i let go of the rapperish, style to my pieces and come out with things kinda older styled-- i decided to d o that here. its not written to any music at all... its about a person i haven seen in 4ever and miss very very very much. enjoy. (sorry it still is kinda rappish, just less)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForgive Me Notsdots
    -------------------------------------------



    (intro)
    try to 4get me where it's cold

    I hate to say goodbye
    reasons y are obvious---

    .so i don't need to say it... do I?

    I hate to be the bearer
    of bad news...
    (end intro)

    I thought at first, there'd be a pause
    and maybe then retention
    closing statements flawed
    and thoughts I meant to mention
    but i forgot everything...
    feelings then ensued
    I forgot everything
    everything but you.

    I know your face by heart
    and your soul by feel.
    and though these existential wounds
    never at whole will heal
    our time is over...
    and only these memories will do
    as I forgot everything
    everything but you...

    sobered by it yes...
    but still feel it through and through
    I forgot everything
    everything but you...

    and i hate to be the bearer
    of bad news...
    I forgot everything
    everything but you...









    Submitted on 2009-12-14 10:53:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hey AE. wassup!

    if youre trying to keep the feel a lil less rap-like...spell out some things instead of using text talk for it.

    Like:

    "try to forget me when its cold

    reasons why are obvious-"

    also your line breaks are interesting here but do a once over to make sure punctuation is in order.

    Like:

    This: .so i don't need to say it... do I?

    Should be: so i don't need to say it... do I?

    I thought the play on the flower Forget Me Nots to Forgive Me Nots what clever except that after I read the piece, the feel of it seems like the poem should be named, "Forget You Nots."

    It's nice work AE, I give you a smiling face sticker.

    -Ash



    | Posted on 2009-12-23 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      Speechless. I loved it! In a good way too hahha
    | Posted on 2009-12-16 00:00:00 | by Rainin_Raspbery | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    181105

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Shi written by ShyOne
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Yes written by poetotoe
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry