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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forgive Me Notsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 756
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1119



    Description:
       Ok- so every once in a while i let go of the rapperish, style to my pieces and come out with things kinda older styled-- i decided to d o that here. its not written to any music at all... its about a person i haven seen in 4ever and miss very very very much. enjoy. (sorry it still is kinda rappish, just less)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForgive Me Notsdots
    -------------------------------------------



    (intro)
    try to 4get me where it's cold

    I hate to say goodbye
    reasons y are obvious---

    .so i don't need to say it... do I?

    I hate to be the bearer
    of bad news...
    (end intro)

    I thought at first, there'd be a pause
    and maybe then retention
    closing statements flawed
    and thoughts I meant to mention
    but i forgot everything...
    feelings then ensued
    I forgot everything
    everything but you.

    I know your face by heart
    and your soul by feel.
    and though these existential wounds
    never at whole will heal
    our time is over...
    and only these memories will do
    as I forgot everything
    everything but you...

    sobered by it yes...
    but still feel it through and through
    I forgot everything
    everything but you...

    and i hate to be the bearer
    of bad news...
    I forgot everything
    everything but you...









    Submitted on 2009-12-14 10:53:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hey AE. wassup!

    if youre trying to keep the feel a lil less rap-like...spell out some things instead of using text talk for it.

    Like:

    "try to forget me when its cold

    reasons why are obvious-"

    also your line breaks are interesting here but do a once over to make sure punctuation is in order.

    Like:

    This: .so i don't need to say it... do I?

    Should be: so i don't need to say it... do I?

    I thought the play on the flower Forget Me Nots to Forgive Me Nots what clever except that after I read the piece, the feel of it seems like the poem should be named, "Forget You Nots."

    It's nice work AE, I give you a smiling face sticker.

    -Ash



    | Posted on 2009-12-23 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      Speechless. I loved it! In a good way too hahha
    | Posted on 2009-12-16 00:00:00 | by Rainin_Raspbery | [ Reply to This ]


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