Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forgive Me Notsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 766
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1119



    Description:
       Ok- so every once in a while i let go of the rapperish, style to my pieces and come out with things kinda older styled-- i decided to d o that here. its not written to any music at all... its about a person i haven seen in 4ever and miss very very very much. enjoy. (sorry it still is kinda rappish, just less)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForgive Me Notsdots
    -------------------------------------------



    (intro)
    try to 4get me where it's cold

    I hate to say goodbye
    reasons y are obvious---

    .so i don't need to say it... do I?

    I hate to be the bearer
    of bad news...
    (end intro)

    I thought at first, there'd be a pause
    and maybe then retention
    closing statements flawed
    and thoughts I meant to mention
    but i forgot everything...
    feelings then ensued
    I forgot everything
    everything but you.

    I know your face by heart
    and your soul by feel.
    and though these existential wounds
    never at whole will heal
    our time is over...
    and only these memories will do
    as I forgot everything
    everything but you...

    sobered by it yes...
    but still feel it through and through
    I forgot everything
    everything but you...

    and i hate to be the bearer
    of bad news...
    I forgot everything
    everything but you...









    Submitted on 2009-12-14 10:53:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hey AE. wassup!

    if youre trying to keep the feel a lil less rap-like...spell out some things instead of using text talk for it.

    Like:

    "try to forget me when its cold

    reasons why are obvious-"

    also your line breaks are interesting here but do a once over to make sure punctuation is in order.

    Like:

    This: .so i don't need to say it... do I?

    Should be: so i don't need to say it... do I?

    I thought the play on the flower Forget Me Nots to Forgive Me Nots what clever except that after I read the piece, the feel of it seems like the poem should be named, "Forget You Nots."

    It's nice work AE, I give you a smiling face sticker.

    -Ash



    | Posted on 2009-12-23 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      Speechless. I loved it! In a good way too hahha
    | Posted on 2009-12-16 00:00:00 | by Rainin_Raspbery | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    181105

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    ME written by jjd
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry