Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Old Paintings and Piningsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stonewashblues
    Elite Ratio:    4.74 - 18/7/6
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 684
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 762



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOld Paintings and Piningsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want to fall in love with Little Boy Blue,
    thread a thousand flower stems together
    and fall off the edge of the world, holding on
    to the chain I've made of strange daisies.

    I want to spin there, while his kisses blow by
    and tease me like late summer cross-winds.
    I want to marry him in a leafy cathedral
    scattered with berries and white stars.

    Perhaps I'll be his Pink Girl in wind-swept cotton,
    carressing his lips like a gold-plated bugle.
    Perhaps I'll be faithful and as patient
    as a little boot-strapped dog...

    or maybe he'll find another portrait he likes better,
    and I'll just be another lonely girl imitating Art.




    Submitted on 2009-12-14 22:46:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is so pretty and sad. Pretty, because it's all art and oilpainted children's faces. Sad, because everything beautiful is utterly destructible.

    Perhaps I'll be faithful and as patient
    as a little boot-strapped dog...

    these lines make me so.... annoyed? haha and that's not a bad thing. it characterizes the speaker well. but at the same time, it's so... stereotypical? lovestruck girl chasing after boy like a puppy? hm. ha but anyway. i DO think it works with the piece. i'm just disgruntled


    one thing i wish you'd done more of, is continue the flower/plant imagery. the first two stanzas are absolutely spilling over with it, but you abandon it for no good reason. it reminds me of ophelia, going mad and drowning in a haze of flowers. and for love too. (i don't really believe that, but it sounds tragically romantic, so i like it well enough ;)

    i really do love these:

    ...thread a thousand flower stems together
    and fall off the edge of the world, holding on
    to the chain I've made of strange daisies.

    I want to marry him in a leafy cathedral
    scattered with berries and white stars.


    golly
    | Posted on 2009-12-18 00:00:00 | by etheror | [ Reply to This ]
      YOu paint such a lovely picture here. The words you chose fit perfectally with the poingnancy of the piece. The metre is a little off, but the power of your words pull it together. I am very happy to have read this and it is going straight to my favs.

    yours in Christ
    Ben
    | Posted on 2009-12-16 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    181119

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry