Old Paintings and Pinings -------------------------------------------
I want to fall in love with Little Boy Blue,
thread a thousand flower stems together
and fall off the edge of the world, holding on
to the chain I've made of strange daisies.
I want to spin there, while his kisses blow by
and tease me like late summer cross-winds.
I want to marry him in a leafy cathedral
scattered with berries and white stars.
Perhaps I'll be his Pink Girl in wind-swept cotton,
carressing his lips like a gold-plated bugle.
Perhaps I'll be faithful and as patient
as a little boot-strapped dog...
or maybe he'll find another portrait he likes better,
and I'll just be another lonely girl imitating Art.
This is so pretty and sad. Pretty, because it's all art and oilpainted children's faces. Sad, because everything beautiful is utterly destructible.
Perhaps I'll be faithful and as patient
as a little boot-strapped dog...
these lines make me so.... annoyed? haha and that's not a bad thing. it characterizes the speaker well. but at the same time, it's so... stereotypical? lovestruck girl chasing after boy like a puppy? hm. ha but anyway. i DO think it works with the piece. i'm just disgruntled
one thing i wish you'd done more of, is continue the flower/plant imagery. the first two stanzas are absolutely spilling over with it, but you abandon it for no good reason. it reminds me of ophelia, going mad and drowning in a haze of flowers. and for love too. (i don't really believe that, but it sounds tragically romantic, so i like it well enough ;)
i really do love these:
...thread a thousand flower stems together
and fall off the edge of the world, holding on
to the chain I've made of strange daisies.
I want to marry him in a leafy cathedral
scattered with berries and white stars.
YOu paint such a lovely picture here. The words you chose fit perfectally with the poingnancy of the piece. The metre is a little off, but the power of your words pull it together. I am very happy to have read this and it is going straight to my favs.