This is so pretty and sad. Pretty, because it's all art and oilpainted children's faces. Sad, because everything beautiful is utterly destructible.
Perhaps I'll be faithful and as patient
as a little boot-strapped dog...
these lines make me so.... annoyed? haha and that's not a bad thing. it characterizes the speaker well. but at the same time, it's so... stereotypical? lovestruck girl chasing after boy like a puppy? hm. ha but anyway. i DO think it works with the piece. i'm just disgruntled
one thing i wish you'd done more of, is continue the flower/plant imagery. the first two stanzas are absolutely spilling over with it, but you abandon it for no good reason. it reminds me of ophelia, going mad and drowning in a haze of flowers. and for love too. (i don't really believe that, but it sounds tragically romantic, so i like it well enough ;)
i really do love these:
...thread a thousand flower stems together
and fall off the edge of the world, holding on
to the chain I've made of strange daisies.
I want to marry him in a leafy cathedral
scattered with berries and white stars.
YOu paint such a lovely picture here. The words you chose fit perfectally with the poingnancy of the piece. The metre is a little off, but the power of your words pull it together. I am very happy to have read this and it is going straight to my favs.