Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Old Paintings and Piningsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stonewashblues
    Elite Ratio:    4.74 - 18/7/6
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 796
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 762



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOld Paintings and Piningsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want to fall in love with Little Boy Blue,
    thread a thousand flower stems together
    and fall off the edge of the world, holding on
    to the chain I've made of strange daisies.

    I want to spin there, while his kisses blow by
    and tease me like late summer cross-winds.
    I want to marry him in a leafy cathedral
    scattered with berries and white stars.

    Perhaps I'll be his Pink Girl in wind-swept cotton,
    carressing his lips like a gold-plated bugle.
    Perhaps I'll be faithful and as patient
    as a little boot-strapped dog...

    or maybe he'll find another portrait he likes better,
    and I'll just be another lonely girl imitating Art.




    Submitted on 2009-12-14 22:46:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is so pretty and sad. Pretty, because it's all art and oilpainted children's faces. Sad, because everything beautiful is utterly destructible.

    Perhaps I'll be faithful and as patient
    as a little boot-strapped dog...

    these lines make me so.... annoyed? haha and that's not a bad thing. it characterizes the speaker well. but at the same time, it's so... stereotypical? lovestruck girl chasing after boy like a puppy? hm. ha but anyway. i DO think it works with the piece. i'm just disgruntled


    one thing i wish you'd done more of, is continue the flower/plant imagery. the first two stanzas are absolutely spilling over with it, but you abandon it for no good reason. it reminds me of ophelia, going mad and drowning in a haze of flowers. and for love too. (i don't really believe that, but it sounds tragically romantic, so i like it well enough ;)

    i really do love these:

    ...thread a thousand flower stems together
    and fall off the edge of the world, holding on
    to the chain I've made of strange daisies.

    I want to marry him in a leafy cathedral
    scattered with berries and white stars.


    golly
    | Posted on 2009-12-18 00:00:00 | by etheror | [ Reply to This ]
      YOu paint such a lovely picture here. The words you chose fit perfectally with the poingnancy of the piece. The metre is a little off, but the power of your words pull it together. I am very happy to have read this and it is going straight to my favs.

    yours in Christ
    Ben
    | Posted on 2009-12-16 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    181119

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    This written by Chelebel
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Instances written by hyproglo
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ... written by Daniel Barlow
    Bam (Awash). written by Daniel Barlow
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    less is more written by Daniel Barlow
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry