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    dots Submission Name: Awake at nightdots

    Author: ira
    ASL Info:    21.f.ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 238/273/176
    Words: 262
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 461
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1560


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    dotsAwake at nightdots

    And one wonders where death took you,
    so far away from me,
    when hands reach out to nothing, I can barely breath.
    The feeling is uncertain whether Iíve moved on or not,
    but I can only wonder where death took you,
    so far from my lonely thoughts.
    And I press skin that isnít yours,
    and feel no comfort linger
    when lips are pressed and death set closer,
    my heart is yearning deeper.
    For the one I lost not the one I touch,
    the kiss that brought the fever.
    And one wonders where death took you,
    so far away from me,
    my hands reach out to take you, but youíve already been taken from me.
    And when the glory rises I see your face in the risen sun,
    and when the moonlight takes its place I feel you breath in me.
    I wonder where death took you,
    and where Iíll be some day,
    wonder if youíll wait for me, wait for me at those distant gates.
    I wonder if you see me now and watch my words spill clumsy,
    and hope that all my next mistakes will leave my heart still hungry.
    And one wonders where death took you,
    when I lay awake at night,
    pressing skin that will never be you,
    looking into anotherís eyes,
    wondering when heíll leave me, for never loving him in your stead,
    wondering when Iíll lay alone, awake in my, rightful, empty bed.
    And one wonders where death took you,
    so far away from me,
    hands reached out, as always, always reaching for what never will be

    Submitted on 2009-12-15 14:18:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The flow of this poem is well done but strange in some areas. Try to use the poem to flow like a river and not a bumpy slide. Unless you want to send shock into the reader then I could total understand it. Give them a bottomless spike pit. That will surprise a reader and add power to the poem.
    | Posted on 2009-12-15 00:00:00 | by Peacejoe | [ Reply to This ]

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