[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Awake at nightdots

    Author: ira
    ASL Info:    21.f.ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 238/273/176
    Words: 262
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 430
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1560


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAwake at nightdots

    And one wonders where death took you,
    so far away from me,
    when hands reach out to nothing, I can barely breath.
    The feeling is uncertain whether Iíve moved on or not,
    but I can only wonder where death took you,
    so far from my lonely thoughts.
    And I press skin that isnít yours,
    and feel no comfort linger
    when lips are pressed and death set closer,
    my heart is yearning deeper.
    For the one I lost not the one I touch,
    the kiss that brought the fever.
    And one wonders where death took you,
    so far away from me,
    my hands reach out to take you, but youíve already been taken from me.
    And when the glory rises I see your face in the risen sun,
    and when the moonlight takes its place I feel you breath in me.
    I wonder where death took you,
    and where Iíll be some day,
    wonder if youíll wait for me, wait for me at those distant gates.
    I wonder if you see me now and watch my words spill clumsy,
    and hope that all my next mistakes will leave my heart still hungry.
    And one wonders where death took you,
    when I lay awake at night,
    pressing skin that will never be you,
    looking into anotherís eyes,
    wondering when heíll leave me, for never loving him in your stead,
    wondering when Iíll lay alone, awake in my, rightful, empty bed.
    And one wonders where death took you,
    so far away from me,
    hands reached out, as always, always reaching for what never will be

    Submitted on 2009-12-15 14:18:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The flow of this poem is well done but strange in some areas. Try to use the poem to flow like a river and not a bumpy slide. Unless you want to send shock into the reader then I could total understand it. Give them a bottomless spike pit. That will surprise a reader and add power to the poem.
    | Posted on 2009-12-15 00:00:00 | by Peacejoe | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Cover written by saartha
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Fasade written by jackz
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    You read free written by poetotoe
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]