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    dots Submission Name: The Winter Airdots

    Author: Soul-Hugger
    ASL Info:    33/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 409/222/66
    Words: 41
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 724
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 253


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    dotsThe Winter Airdots

    The winter air goes through my skin
    Like tiny little pins, I cringe
    To think I've drawn the last warm breath
    Of summer, as it's laid to rest
    Until the next warm winds shall blow
    And melt away the frigid snow.

    Submitted on 2009-12-16 16:42:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The rhyme here is so soft, it's like music, This is a calming piece, for me. I love winter air going through my skin (which I don't think you're saying) because there's something so...enlivening...about it, it's like being brought back to life. Or something.

    This is something that I'd use as a mantra to get me through summer (heat=nono). I guess what I'm saying is that although I'm sure that you're not saying that you're pleased winter is coming, this write leaves it open to the personal feelings of the reader... you don't force an opinion on us, you allow us to take what we will.

    I'm going to ditto runes and say that the opening rhyme of skin/pin/cringe is lovely- it gives this piece a sense of rhythm and movement from the outset.

    I also like summer being laid to rest, it's much softer than 'dying' or some such, it keeps the calm.

    Beautifully done :)
    | Posted on 2009-12-17 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really beautifully written, soul. I love the double-rhyme of "pins, I cringe" which plays on the tongue, makes you sit up and go, whoa... Pay attention!

    To think I've drawn the last warm breath
    Of summer, as it's laid to rest


    It's like a little snow-storm poem that you can shake in your hands, it doesn't freeze-burn the fingers to hold it, and you smile experiencing it.

    Simply lovely.
    | Posted on 2009-12-17 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      for one... i really like your name: Soul-Hugger.
    it's great. + all souls need hugs. don't they?

    i like the gentle rhyme you have going on here. as well as how you have broken this up.

    even though this is soft, one can feel the cold of air and the desire for warmth. the longing.

    the only thing i would have to say as far as an unspecified nit-pick, is the transition from summer straight to winter. doesn't fall fall in there somewhere? that just might be me though.

    smooth read, regardless.

    | Posted on 2009-12-16 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

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