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    dots Submission Name: Bonitadots

    Author: gotdalife06
    Elite Ratio:    2.82 - 5/11/10
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 574
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1023


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    Oh Bonita, your eyes -
    How they expose a soul
    Longing for happiness true
    And I swear I'll give my all
    Just to bring that happiness to you

    Oh Bonita, your smile -
    How clandestine and feline
    I imagine the taste of these sweet lips
    Dreams have gone by; I made you mine
    And I marveled at your swaying hips

    Oh Bonita, your hair -
    Black as the blackest night
    Yet shining like a sun that knows no end
    Flowing serene as the river Nile
    Oh, how arduous for me to pretend

    Oh Bonita, be mine -
    Days with you are far between and few
    And those days how I long to speak
    These words of passion to you
    But the mere thought of you renders me weak

    Oh Bonita, hear me -
    For rare are the nights I say these words
    Take a chance with this heart-wrenched man
    For the eyes I saw and the voice I heard
    Felt to me a fragment of Fate's plan.

    Submitted on 2009-12-19 21:12:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Try switching the two "an" lines for a stronger ending ...
    | Posted on 2009-12-22 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      thank you, kind miss! :) i agree the ending's a bit weak. I suppose I rushed into it a little bit. thank you as well for the well wishes, and i hope for more happiness to you and your boyfriend!
    | Posted on 2009-12-21 00:00:00 | by gotdalife06 | [ Reply to This ]
      It was good! I read it in the first place because my boyfriend always calls me bonita and your poem reminded me a lot of him. I just happen to be the girl that returns his love. On this poem, I can see your passion and love. It's nicely written, but I think you can work more on the ending. I liked how you described her hair, comparing it to the Nile. I hope she can return your love, if not I hope you find happiness with someone who deserves your unattended undying love.
    | Posted on 2009-12-20 00:00:00 | by just an angel | [ Reply to This ]

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