Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love Falling Indots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 509
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 686



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove Falling Indots
    -------------------------------------------


    You do not fall into love
    love falls into you
    you catch it before it hits the ground
    and you hold it there
    arms shaking from the weight of it.

    Or love falls over you
    climbs onto your lap
    touches your face
    and makes you look into its eyes.
    Love twirls, dances
    or skips about waving its arms at you
    Plays tag with you
    tries to make you "it".

    But if you ignore it long enough
    love falls down
    and kicks and screams
    until you either
    step over it
    and walk away
    or scoop it up
    let it feel the warmth of your breast.




    Submitted on 2009-12-20 21:18:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Really good poem, the whole poem contains a long but a good anthropomorphism which is much more than the regular personifications, the short meter (rhythm) compensate the no rhyme. In “Love will dance, twirl” you made an anti-climax, its fine but I think it would be better if you change it in to a climax like that “Love will twirl, dance”. In “Playing tag with you trying to make you "it".” This expression is the best one in the whole poem; it’s a sweet soft metaphor, nice work.
    | Posted on 2009-12-22 00:00:00 | by Duke Medhat | [ Reply to This ]
      This idea of love feels good and gave me pleasure reading of it. I like the duality of the work. At first, one sees it as relationship love. But then one sees that it could be about love of a child. Then again, one thinks it is about relationship love, but that this love is playful and attentive like that with a child.
    | Posted on 2009-12-22 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      I found this interesting, because (and this probably makes me a jerk) this is not at all what love is for me, and so it was very interesting to consider that it is different things for different people. And i suppose that's obvious, but i'd never really thought of it that way before.

    I kind of liked the idea of saying 'love falls you over

    now that's probably a pretty gay idea but i think it's kind of cool to let it do something its not supposed to do (as far as the twisting of syntax goes)

    and it's a nice way of showing that it have free rein over us.

    or not.
    | Posted on 2009-12-21 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    181300

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The World written by jjd
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry