Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The Beauty of Youth


Author: Toosha
ASL Info:    18/f/SD
Elite Ratio:    1.84 - 20 /13 /11
Words: 118
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 780
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 729



Description:




The Beauty of Youth



The sun breathes happy
Through waves of heat
Across the mid blue sky

Her face is turned from it
But still, it warms the surface of her back
In the way kind words warm a soul

She laughs with pure joy
As the field surrounding takes her in
Running along with her partner

He pulls her hand
They fall to the ground
With the bed of grass underneath cradling them

Smiles filled with giggles come from each
Exactly like innocence and youth
The feeling is starting to settle

All is now hushed
Staring and deep in thought
What it would be like to never have to grow up




Submitted on 2009-12-21 18:57:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I liked it, I really did. I'm trying to think of anything to critisize, but I don't like critisizing and I liked this poem too much to do so. So, all in all, outstanding job. I liked the slight hint of romance that I felt was there.

It made me feel happy to be young, and to wish I could stay that way forever. It seems to be original, all in all very good work.
At first I didn't get the first stanza, but after reading a second time I understood. Keep it up love.
| Posted on 2009-12-22 00:00:00 | by xAngeliquex | [ Reply to This ]
  Very intriguing storyline. It was so detailed that I could imagine it. I especially like the lines
"He pulls her hand
They fall to the ground
With the bed of grass underneath cradling them"
A very good visual, i like how used the word cradling, almost personifying the grass :)
and also the last stanza tied the whole poem together. Especially that last line. It's so true, no one once to grow up:) It was sweet and meaningful. Great write!
| Posted on 2009-12-21 00:00:00 | by simpleandgreen | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



181335