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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Do You Knowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stonewashblues
    Elite Ratio:    4.74 - 18/7/6
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Longing
    Total Views: 443
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 930



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDo You Knowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Do you know how this feels, how the ground falls away
    And Im hanging on words that you refuse to say.
    You dont love me why do you even call?
    You dont want me Ive always been small
    In your eyes.

    Do you know what you do, how you tear me apart,
    And it doesnt stop until youre holding my heart.
    You dont love me why bother at all?
    You dont need me you just make me feel small
    With your lies.

    But the ground shakes when I look in your eyes,
    And sometimes I want nothing more than your lies.
    You dont love me why do you even say
    That you need me when Im turning away

    Do you know what it does when you wont let me go,
    How I wanted so badly for something to show me
    You love me -- why do I feel this way?
    You want me -- just some reason to stay
    Close to you




    Submitted on 2009-12-24 02:38:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree, the first two lines were very cleverly written.
    All-in-all, this piece had an easy flowing rhythm that was only disrupted by the fifth lines in stanzas one, two, four. The last line is fine; however, the fifth lines in the first and second stanza seem to stick out like a sore thumb. I don't think they are really necessary, but that is just my critique.
    Other than that, this is a piece well done. It conveyed the emotion well and your choice of words were excellent.
    Kudos.
    Peace
    Ren
    | Posted on 2009-12-24 00:00:00 | by Renada | [ Reply to This ]
      I really love the first two lines of this piece. It was as if something inside of me just responded when I read them, and that's what part of being a writer is about making people feel something.

    I also really enjoy how you give it a rhyme scheme at the end of the lines and then match up each stanza at the end. Overall I dig what you did and I understand and sympathize and feel what you are saying.
    | Posted on 2009-12-24 00:00:00 | by groovycay | [ Reply to This ]


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