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    dots Submission Name: Candles, Coffee and Sleep Deprivationdots

    Author: Shadowstar13
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 191/191/129
    Words: 564
    Class/Type: Misc/Venting
    Total Views: 1313
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3259


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    dotsCandles, Coffee and Sleep Deprivationdots

    I wake up at approximately three AM every morning and have been for the past week through no volition of my own. I, a girl who could sleep through the nuclear apocalypse and wake up oblivious to the fact that it was just me and the cockroaches for a radius of three hundred miles, have been doing this despite having exhausting days, going to bed late, and generally doing everything that should allow me to conk out for at least six to seven hours.

    I wake up, and from the second I'm conscious of my consciousness, I know: I did it again. Damn you, body-you give me a bleeding uterus and now you give me some internal clock that compels me to wake up at an utterly ungodly hour. Ungodly?

    Fuck that whole "evil never sleeps" thing, Satan doesn't even wake up this early. (As I'm sure you can tell, I'm someone who values their sleep like some women value their engagement rings or pedigree puppies. Some men, too, for that matter. The puppies, not the engagement rings.)

    My routine is this: I switch my radio back on, get up, meditate, try to sleep. That attempt invariably fails. So, rinse and repeat. Attempt two doesn't work either. I am wide awake. I am Night Owl. I am going to kill that fucking alarm clock. So, stop, rewind, repeat. And the weirdest thoughts start coursing in my mind.

    "Maybe it's the dogs. Maybe they get let out right about now and their loudness gets transferred up through the ceiling to me via their almost nonexistant brainwaves. Jesus, what the hell was that? Oh, that was a car. I need to stop watching horror movies. You know, if this was a horror movie, the villain would be standing right behind me with a vaguely BDSM-ish costume and a chainsaw. Nope, nothing.... do I exist? Hell, does anything outside me exist? I should take philosophy. I'll go bald, live in Central Park, and be Plato. Or a hobo. I wonder if Plato was an LSD-toking hobo. Did they have drugs in Greece or Rome or whatever? Why am I even up? Where's my notebook? Leatherface fucking took my notebook! Wait, Leatherface doesn't exist. Woman, you are hereby banned from anything rated R after six o'clock... judges. Where'd the whole white wig thing come from anyway? God, I need to get some sleep. What smells like candle smoke? Did I leave something burning downstairs? Wait, no, that's just the smell from the unlit ones over there. Thank you for the heart attack, Yankee Candle Brigade. Why can I always smell candles and not perfume? Did I get that essay done? Did I finish that chapter? Nope, there's my pen impaling the comforter, I must've fallen asleep writing it. Well, I tried anyway. I wonder if you can replace blood with coffee. What flavor would mine be? Chai? French vanilla? Straight-up java? I dunno, I'm a bigger soda drinker anyw-damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it. It's four now. I. Need. To. Sleep."

    So I fall asleep somewhere around five and am forced to wake up by the tyranny of the alarm clock world to which I am unwilling drudge for now somewhere around six.

    Note to self: buy some sleeping pills, or at least stop drinking caffeine.

    Submitted on 2009-12-24 10:03:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is any 2:00am to 4:30 am given night I am on a "work schedule".... only, it starts with complete exhaustion/sleepiness at 7:30pm that is naturally shaken off, because if I go to sleep that early, I'm up by 11:00pm again and the cycle continues.... only with a wide-awake series of horrors, instead of a half-tired series of horrors. I know it so well.

    Ambien never worked for me, it gave me 2 hours maximum then left me jittering like I"d done 4 lines of quality coke off a 14 kt gold mirror. I tried mixing ambien with over-the-counter meds, finally settling on a series of about 2-3 ambien + 4-5 melatonin tablets, which of course ran my prescription out sooner. When I explained what I was doing, my doctor feigned HORROR and yelled at me that I was going to die and a refusal to write out a script for anymore Ambien. Lunesta was great the first couple of times... but my body adjusts to things quickly and re-clocks itself accordingly, which is why my prescriptions work for a week at the very longest (and more like 2-3 days on average) then are useless to me. Since most things take 2-3 weeks supposedly to become "established", I end up frustrated and the doctors end up baffled as to why everything is great the first few days, then I must just "stop trying."

    Because, Attitude is Everything.

    I loved this write, very honest and so very accurate in its descriptions. I often replay things I did in elementary school, failures as a human being, and things I have no control over, as opposed to, Did I leave fire unextinguished or lock that door? (Altho, sometimes I worry about things I did/didn't do at work, if I'm working... which becomes a neurotic nagging that makes me want to drive there and actually SEE if I did.) Once I couldn't sleep and knowing the job was very "important" that day (attorney/legal bull[censored] at the time), I got dressed, went to work, let myself in the building, and stretched out on a couch to sleep THERE, with a note to the morning housecleaning crew to wake me up upon their arrival. Now... ever had insomnia at WORK? Yeah... it's easy to sleep at your desk, but not in the building after midnight... and bad bad bad when the cleaning crew tell everyone they found you there, if you do manage to pull it off and get the sleep...

    Anyway... all this to say, I sooo feel you on this! Small consolation to know you're not alone, though, because an insomniac is ALWAYS alone, unless you're in the casino. Then you're the Whole Damn Party.
    | Posted on 2010-05-15 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]

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