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    dots Submission Name: Switchblade Girls: A Rohrsach Testdots

    Author: Shadowstar13
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 191/191/129
    Words: 339
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1470
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2312


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSwitchblade Girls: A Rohrsach Testdots

    Her eyes-cool metal, dark and decorated by crushed chrome
    And the gleam of titanium polished smooth for want of use
    With a pale body and laser edges, skin honed sharp
    A face like fate, lips of steel and a tongue like a razor blade:
    When she speaks, people bleed. Some taunt her to action just to suffer the wounds-are they
    Confrontation-hungry or masochistic? Does it matter?
    To her?

    Yet she can sheath the shrieks, if only for a moment
    And it's said that those titanium eyes can warm to the touch of a hand
    Fingernails tipped with terror and a stride that screams pride:

    Are you a switchblade girl?

    Does your smile glitter with the help of sunlight and whetstones?
    Got a voice like nails (the painted or rusty kind)?
    Or vocal chords like chaos?
    Words with a wicked edge-do they issue from your mouth, your hands, your face, your mind?
    Have you ever refused a heart because you're not a licensed surgeon
    or refrained from speaking to some arrogant ass because you two were too far from an ER
    (and even if you weren't, they don't make morphine for the mind-and if they did, you wouldn't pay the bill)?
    Are your lies obvious by the white line they leave behind as opposed to the flesh wound of truth
    Or do you tell 'em so well that the difference isn't there to tell?
    Got a hardness of 10.5 on good ol' Moh's scale?
    Can you radiate warmth if only you're under the right kind of light?

    If you answered "yes" to any of these questions,
    then miss razor edge,
    you are undoubtedly eligible for a study
    called "life"-who knows what they're testing?
    Well, supposedly, it's
    pretty heavy stuff

    And I should warn you, side effects include
    infiltrations (of the mind, and of other sorts)
    and general bedlamite-itis

    So, hey, give it a shot,
    switchblade girl
    and welcome
    to this thing

    Submitted on 2009-12-25 14:08:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Ohhhhhhh, switchblade girl... I love that.
    Click. Cold. Precise. Deadly in a snap.

    Yet, warm to the touch... nice line. Holds heat well, too, as should all good alloys.

    And no, I really don't agree with longer lines and the blah-blahs... I think it's like quick cuts, the way you put the one-word lines...

    Anyone who's ever handled a knife would know that.
    | Posted on 2009-12-27 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      "Life - who knows what they're testing?" That's a great line! (I can always identify a great line because I wish I'd written it myself!)

    Another great line is "When she speaks ..."

    I so enjoyed reading this, but wished it was about some other topic, because, well, I don't really know why, but this sympathetic/merciless letter to somebody has its own sharp projections! Of course that's how you meant me to feel, I guess!

    Just one aspect is not successful with me: the verseform. Okay, I can see why this developing structure develops as it does, - but the last stanza needs something. Longer lines, a different rhythm, something. It's not what it says; it's the actual sound of it. You wrote a fully rounded-up thought, but the last stanza doesn't sound quite like a rounded-up ending. I'm betting that many other readers would agree with me, so maybe this is a useful criticism.
    | Posted on 2009-12-26 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite interesting! I enjoyed it very much. Def. great comparasons (ah, can't spell >.<)
    | Posted on 2009-12-25 00:00:00 | by xxiknownowxx | [ Reply to This ]

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