[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Fatherdots

    Author: insanegemini
    ASL Info:    18/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    2.33 - 24/50/56
    Words: 403
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 666
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2572

       yea, this was very hard yet very easy to write. not exactly something i enjoy expressing and talking about; but i think the oh what's the word, anyways the amount of emotion put into it is well shown. i personally like it alot. it means alot to me.

    i hope you enjoy :)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    What can I say?
    I used to inhabit the felling of betray
    But would not display
    These emotions of being alone and lost
    Away into the frost
    Of cold abandonment
    The torment
    Of knowing your fraudulent
    Life put a dent
    In my own being
    You fleeing
    With other women
    Disagreeing with your disease of
    True many years ago
    We were happy and without woe
    In the beginning
    You would bestow
    Love and fatherly compassion
    But as time went by we were no longer in fashion
    No longer the apple of your passion
    You want what you can�t have
    In others you seeked love
    Even though it surrounded you on earth and above
    Between the bottle and women
    We were never good enough to compete
    With that
    You could never find yourself complete
    Always throwing deceit
    At us
    And it would always repeat
    You would tell mom
    Never again
    Change you have
    She was so sweet
    And you go on to defeat her
    Cheat her
    Deplete her
    And when she would leave
    You would constantly grieve her
    And she was so na�ve
    She would believe
    In you
    Trust in your heart
    That you could achieve
    Eventually she gave up
    I would not
    I had hope
    From many moons I would mope
    Where did my father go?
    Where is the man that loved me so?
    I trembled on the rope
    Of hope
    Desire to have my happy family back
    Trying to deflect all the attacks
    On myself
    By myself
    A dark period
    Thanks to you
    It took my own strength to cope
    You did not pick me up when I was down
    Your departure simply mocked me like a clown
    And continually tried to drown
    Me in my own everlasting sadness
    But now I am null
    Casting a unemotional glare
    At the skull
    That is our relationship
    Thread that bond us
    Waiting for the snip
    I cannot forget
    How upset
    You make me
    But I feel you fear to set all free
    To make thing right
    You fear you own mistakes
    And fear a fright
    That might
    Destroy you
    Tonight however,
    I awake
    And partake
    In the realization
    That despite all my frustration
    You are my father
    Tonight and forever

    Submitted on 2009-12-28 13:01:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      although i often would like to see poems this long condensed for more impact...there is a certain momentum gained here that seems to fit theme...

    he was a good father at first, but then his indiscretions and bad lifestyle started a downward spiral for both him and those he loved...it snowballed into something uncontrollable...and now the speaker is saying.." here is what you left me with, a cold heart"

    there is reprimand but also forgiveness here...and the rhyme scheme works well...a certain flow in spots...like tears or forgiveness flowing..then suddenly the rhythm is awkward like the speaker's conflicted feelings...

    overall good piece...saw a couple lines that could be smoothed out...for example.."and her you go on to defeat her" seems the first "her" is unnecessary...

    but yes, confessional rant that gets it out....with subjectivity and objectivity nicely combined...

    | Posted on 2011-04-08 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
    wow thats beyond amazing!
    I love it. Keep writing, you're really good :D
    | Posted on 2009-12-29 00:00:00 | by kimirin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Live In Between written by teika5
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]