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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Life of turmoildots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/623/381
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Rant/Serious
    Total Views: 696
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 967



    Description:
       


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    dotsLife of turmoildots
    -------------------------------------------


    I long to graps what I cannot,
    I see it within my reach and yet never am close enough,

    I long to have this college degree I cannot afford
    Have these scars I caused myself to vanish,
    More than this I long to live the life I am meant to be living

    Is it that I am not good enough to have these things?
    Am I always meant to live in turmoil?

    I grew to become a strong and independant women thanks to my Step Fathers sexual abuse,
    I came to learn in the recent years I am worth very little if anything to my own biological Mother
    With this out in the open I have accpected I have no immediate family!

    Therefore I ask myself...
    Whom would notice if I didn't show up to work tomorrow?
    Whom would care if I turned my phone off?

    If I were to take this nuse and use it as it should be,
    who would care?
    I am alone in this world.




    Submitted on 2009-12-30 19:24:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      My first impression of this is that you've not written this in one sitting. The flow is toooo choppy and it seems all the sentences are broken and not interconnected. You have a couple of typos as well, like graps which I hope was supposed to be grasp Accepted is also spelled incorrectly. I liked the first half of the poem -it spoke of strength, of someone inside wanting to be strong- wanting to succeed. The second half just about eliminated any sense of hope the reader had for the subject of the poem. It became quite typical. Throw in some commas there and just reread it. That's the only suggestion I have. Keep writing and sharing.
    | Posted on 2009-12-31 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]


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