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Chuck Norris pt. 7.5

Author: insphered soul
ASL Info:    19/M/ Hmmm?
Elite Ratio:    6.49 - 450 /382 /94
Words: 1052
Class/Type: Misc /Comedy
Total Views: 1854
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Bytes: 6621


Not a serious write. A friend asked me to add on to my Chuck Norris stories from the past so I tried my hand at it. E



Chuck Norris pt. 7.5

Our story stars off in a familiar place. Gigantic black whatsits are hovering around in the air and one of Zach's closest and possibly homosexual friends, Dewayne, is secretly trying to get some hot demon loving.

Dewayne: So about that hot lovin- erm, i mean, that ass whoopin? Am I right everyone? Yeah you bet your asses I'm right. Yeah, f*** sex with watermelons.

Zach: Yeah..... we can't be friends anymore

Dewayne: But it puts the lotion on it's skin!

Zach: Yeah........ But dude that is so weird. I mean come on, you pour candle wax on your nipples, make out with watermelons and talk about sweaty sailors way too often.

*Mark runs up with big curly hair bouncing around while a big salty wave of water splashes against a rock behind him looking like a scene right out of baywatch*

Mark: Yeah, that's pretty weird.

Dewayne: *girly scream* Maaaarrrkkkkkk!!! Like OMG! I am sooo happy that you are in this story now! Yay! *holds up a lighter* Have any candles?

Mark: Yeah dawg! Ballin!

Zach: Yeah. This is going to take a while to finish.

Dewayne: What are you talking about?

Zach: Bacon?

Dewayne: And sex. Yummy for my ass. *pours hot candle wax on his man tities*

Emily: You sick bastard.

Zach: Wait, where is everyone else?

Dewayne: I hope they didn't leave with the sailors, I mean, I hope they're not dead yet, yeah, that's right. Killed by the sailors, yep. That's it. That evil bad bad mean sexy sweaty, evil badass lookin big penis sailors. Yep. Nothing gay there. *Looks around* Nothing gay at all.

Mark: *stares at Dewayne* Yeah. Nothing gay there you flaming homo.

Dewayne: Yep. Wait a seco-

Zach: There's no time for that, the princess is in trouble!

Mark: What princess?

Dewayne: Sexy sailors?

*Chuck Norris pops out of a door in the middle of the road*

Chuck Norris: Did someone just say sexy?

*A mob of girls run up and grab Chuck Norris and drag him away*

Bob: * *

Dewayne: BOB!!!

Mark: Pork chop sandwiches? Oh sh*t Get the f*** out of here! Go get the f*** out of here!

Small wandering child: Detective you told me do things and I did and you saved me.

G.I Joe guy: *smiles*

Harry: *british accent* Shaz anyone sheen my wand?

Zach: Oh yeah, my bad man, it's in the lounge.

Harry: Thanks mate, I'll be goin now.

Mark: How the hell is there a lounged outside? It would be like a patio. Or a sex area. Depends really. Spotted dick anyone?

Dewayne: I would love some.

Mark: *offers Dewayne the spotted dick food*

Dewayne: Oh, *downhearted* you meant the food. *looks around* damn.

Mark: What's that?

Dewayne: Oh nothing.

*Emily walks up*

Emily: Hey guys what's up?

Zach: Don't be a bitch.

Emily: I'll cut your balls off and wear them as a necklace while I sacrifice chickens to the great god of the internet, Zam'dul. *points to Dewayne* Hey you with the candle wax.

Dewayne: Yes my liege?

Emily: I'm Emily. Just so you know. Bitch.

Dewayne: Emily? You date Kevin!

Emily: Yes I do *smiles*

Dewayne: Yeah! I think about him when I masterbate.

*pause* *everyone looks at Dewayne*

Dewayne: *chokes out a laugh* I....I didn't even mean to say that.

Emily: Right well, spotted dick?

Dewayne: I've done more than spot *winks*

Zach: Yeah...... we can't be friends anymore.

Dewayne: But you have the hottest guy frien- The coolest games to play! Yeah, the coolest games. With hot guys.

Mark: Yeah you can't be friends with us anymore.

Dewayne: So how about them cowboys?

Emily: Do you mean the team or the two gay cowboys standing over there eating pudding?

Dewayne: *feels a breeze and jizzes in his pants*

Indian guy: Thanks for jizzing where my kids play.

Zach: Oh...sorry about him. He's new. We just bought him yesterday.

Dewayne: I love girls you homo.

Mark: Oh then we're all good.

Dewayne: Yeah, now where'd Bob get off too?

Bob: *rolls out of a cabinet*

Dewayne: Bob! You're ba-

Diet coke:

Dewayne: You son of a bit-

Diet coke:

Dewayne: Stop cutting me-

Diet coke:

Dewayne: Just let me say som-

Diet coke:

Dewayne: *pours hot candle wax on his man tities while crying* No one ever takes me serial.


Dewayne: *stops crying* You mean it Bob?


Dewayne: Thank you. Here take this date rape- I m mean advil for your headache.


Diet coke:

Dewayne: No it's not.


Diet coke:

Dewayne: Who are you going to believe? Me or a talking can of fruit punch?

Diet coke:

Dewayne: Diet coke, mountain dew, hot sailor sweat, whatever!

Zach: Bacon?

Mark: Cheese?

Dewayne: Sexy.

*Chuck Norris covered in blood and missing chunks of hair pops in through another door*

Chuck Norris: Oh god you have to help me! They're like freaking sex robots that are never satisfied! I'm only so much man! *crying* I'm only so much. *curls into a ball*

Zach: Chuck you've got about 30 seconds to get out of here before the girls show. Go man go!

Chuck Norris: *still crying* I can't move. I can't do anything. I'm powerless. *cries*

Mark: My god that is sad.

Dewayne: Yeah but the chest hair is sexy.

Zach: Yeah........ we can't be friends.

The End.

Submitted on 2010-01-05 12:10:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  More! (:
| Posted on 2010-02-14 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
  And I jizzed in my pants. Funny. I've missed these. I'm glad you were able to do another part. ^_^

The Bird
| Posted on 2010-02-02 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]

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